I'm Hurtin, son moves out.

[Okie-Go]

At 13 yrs of age and I have had custody since he was 3 he tells me he wants to go live with his Mom in Oklahoma. He says he is tired of getting in trouble down here and wants to go live with her and his stepdad. He does stuff like talks too much, forgets his homework and sometimes tells a lie or picks up extra change around the house. Never any major trouble, but of course I hold him accountable and you know the old saying if they live in my house they follow the rules. It hurts but at least it was HIS decision and not mine. I think he will find the grass isen't as green there as he thinks. He visits there in the summer and holidays and even my dad has a ranch not far from where he will be at. Of course I visit Dad ever chance I get. I will try to be strong and when or if he wants to come back he will have to be sure as there will not be a ping pong effect of moving back and forth. I am glad he is still alive and healthy as some here may have lost a son for good. I told him as he got on the plane last night I still loved him and I hope he finds what he thinks he needs. I guess nuff said, I am going to the farm for the weekend to relax and maybe even do a little deer hunting. I am glad he remembers me turing on the lights to make sure he was covered up and OK.

 

[klenger]

Sometimes we don't know how to respond when we hear about things like this. In any case, I hope things work out for both of you. Thanks for sharing it with us.

 

[Papa Joe]

You're a good man. Walk proud.

 

[gitchesum]

Been there,done that

Been there, Done that.

Only thing was, I was in his shoes. My Mom and stepfather were the type of parents to hold you accountable for your actions. I didn't like it. I was being moved to Houston when I didn't want to and I didn't like that either. I was not a pleasant kid to be around needless to say. I thought things would be better with my Dad and his wife so I decided to move in with them.

Things were gonna be great. Or so I thought.

When I was that age I knew everything. YOu couldn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Well, a couple of months later, I was begging to head west to Houston. THe old adage "The grass ain't always greener on the other side" is very true.

My relationship with my father has dwindled to nothing due to decisions that he has made.

My relationship with my stepfather is stronger today than it ever has been. He is the man I call my Dad because he has been there for every important thing in my and my siblings lives. He wouldn't have missed them for the world.



Keep you head up, keep communicating with your son Okie. That has to be the most important thing in a relationship. Call him at least once a week. Tell him you love him every time. That is what keeps the relationship strong. Coming from someone who hasn't talked to his real father in 3 years. I know how it feels.

 

[bdaniel]

I have custody of two boys ages 9 and 7.

They are the only reason I get out of bed each morning.

Your story brought tears to my eyes. Your son may be stretching his wings a little now but if you've been there for him, he'll be there for you. Especially when he gets married and has kids.



No one understands the love a parent has for them, until they become parents themselves, then it blows them away. He'll start remembering all the things his dad did with him and want the same for his kids.



Bobby

 

[Champane Flight]

Done that...

Don't you worry, the boy will be OK. When mine left I told him "You always have a home here. " and said goodbye. He showed up back on the doorstep in about three months. He figured out that the world was a little smaller than he thought and real dad was not the man he thought.



This to will pass.

 

[Motorhead]

It takes a REAL MAN to expose his sensitive side to others. I was almost there 3 years ago and the thought of losing my kids was in-comprehensable. I hope that your son sees the other side and realizes that you weren't so bad.

I am dealing with my 19yr old daughter at times and I would just love to tell her "If you can't abide by the rules of the house, then get out and try to do it on your own". My wife calms me down and things blow over.

I feel for you... . you have friends here that will atleast listen and console you. Chris

 

[baby.driver]

Okie-go, I feel for you. Prayer is the way to go with this.



Jay

 

[JConley]

My dad gave me a sign one time that said something to the effect that you can only give two things to your kid in life. One is roots, and the other is wings. Your son will never forget all you did for him in the past, and by letting him go now your son will learn the hard way about life. Its called growing up.



A phrase we use in the ARMY kinda applies to this situation.



" That which doesnt kill me only makes me stronger"



Keep the lines of communication open, and everything else will fall into place

 

[Bill Lins]

Hang in there, Okie. I went through the same thing with my boys- life was easier for them with their mom- no discipline, etc. They're both on their own now and have told me that they now appreciate what I taught them and they respect me for it. You're in my prayers- I know how much it hurts.

 

[tntway]

i can only second what everyone has said here okie.



my daughter turns 6 today and thankfully we are all together.



Prayer works and things WILL work out..... they ALWAYS do.



just know that we are all with you and are praying for you and your son..... Tim

 

[RustyJC]

Okie,



You and Beth are in our thoughts and prayers. Please let us know if there's anything at all we can do.



I just remember at 13 I knew everything and my parents knew nothing. Once I left home and had to make it on my own, it's amazing how much smarter my parents seemed to get.



Rusty

 

[me4osu]

I agree with CF on this one (that doesn't happen often ). Just let him know your door is ALWAYS open to him. Hang in there.

 

[JSmith]

Okie, keep your chin up. I was where your son is now. My parents split the sheets when I was 8 yrs old. I lived with my mon. When she moved to another city the baby sis and I followed. In the summer I`d come to stay with my dad and visit my friends. If things did not go as I wanted I would move back to my dads house. If dad ****** me off I would go back to moms place.

One day dad said "boy" you can stop with the games. Figure out where you are going to live. I won`t put up with this back and forth anymore. I stayed with my old man. He passed away in `87 and damn I sure do miss him. :{

 

[B.G. Smith]

Apart

Know how you feel, I suspect he will be back soon. As stated above, just keep the lines of communication open, things will work out. Will keeop you on our thoughts and prayers. bg

 

[Okie-Go]

Thanks for all the nice words and private e-mails. I just got back from the farm and just tried to remember the time we did have together. I know he will be fine and he likes his stepfather. I get along with him and my X wife. who knows, he may like it there and be just fine. I just want him to be happy. I think one of the toughest moments over the weekend was I started to call his name after it got dark while on the way to the farm for him to wake up as we were going to stop and eat. I then realized he wasn't there in the back of the truck asleep. Now guys, I want you to know that was tough. I did manage to sleep halfway decent in the 5er while at the farm and the full moon and frost on the pasture made it real pleasant outside. The coyotes howling woke me about 4:30, made some coffee and just tried to get some relaxation while sitting in the deer blind. I thank all of you for listening and trying to help me get through this. Okie

 

[OL RATLR]

hurtin

Keep your chin up let him spread his wings

he will return.

 

[M Barnett]

Like many have said, he will be back. At the age of thirteen, he doesn't know if he's going or comming. But one thing to remember, he will grow up and he will remember. You have done the right thing. Sometimes they just have to go through it and learn on their own. Hang tough, I know it's hard but it will pass and he will be back to you, I guarantee.

Michael

 

[Okie-Go]

I took his dog to him as I promised him I would. I didn't get to see him but we did talk on the phone. I got to spend the night at my dads house while in Oklahoma and enjoyed that. Of course he didn't tell me thanks for driving a 1000 mile to do it but hopefully one day he will think about it and know I care.