You have received a lot of good advice, suggestions and our sympathy. I understand that this is a terrible time for you but I want you to know your pain will ease. Not tomorrow or next month but it will happen. Your heartbreak will turn into memories and your pain will lessen. I don't believe it will ever go completely away. Time does heal and it will for you too. Try to remember all of the precious memories which will help a bit. Hugs, Di
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My wife passed away :(
- Thread starter Thump
- Start Date
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Hi folks,
Sorry if I all but dropped off the map for a bit. It's now been five weeks since my wife died and there have been a LOT of things going on. From getting accounts moved/switched over, handling the legalities of death, figuring out care for our 12 year old Asperger's daughter, and getting back to my day job (albeit I am now working three days a week from home).
I've joined a support group that isn't religious or political at all... it's not against the rules or anything, it's just kept closely in check. It's full of other young widowed people and even a few who were on their way down the aisle before tragedy struck. It's helped quite a bit in short order.
Our dog's (I think I talked about that earlier) and my wife's cremains both came home the same day. So, while there are only three of us (the cat, our daughter, and me) still breathing air, our family is all home.
Our daughter's condition has her not processing emotions like most folks. In fact, she's barely shown any emotion in all of this except when she sees me upset or wonders what will happen when she returns to school in a few weeks. Her thought process is always so practical/pragmatic. She has seen her therapist and psychiatrist a couple times since Mom died and has opened up a bit. However, grief has not hit her, yet. It will, eventually.
I learned about something that had me in the doctor's office a week or two ago now... the Widowhood Effect. It does help to explain the physical manifestations of grief. I went just to make sure I was OK, as our daughter needs me too much. The Wikipedia entry about this is doom and gloom and contradictory to itself. I read some of the scholarly articles on it as well as some more layman interpretations. But, the physiological changes that happen are real and I can attest to that.
One of the biggest for me is that I'm down 28 pounds since my wife passed away. I'm eating, but certainly not her amazing Southern cooking and not nearly as much. It's OK, I could stand to lose another 28 or more.
I sincerely appreciate everyone's comments, suggestions, and condolences. Something I've figured out that you can all take with you... in the face of something like this we all try to come up with words that we think will help or will convey our own sadness for the person experiencing it. However, there are truly no words to do any of that. I've learned that the most honest statement is "I have no words." It expresses what both you and the recipient of your condolences are going through. Confusion, sadness, whatever. There just aren't words to describe the indescribable.
We will get through this, somehow and some day. We will never be the same, but that is out of our control and would be a fool's errand.
Sorry if I all but dropped off the map for a bit. It's now been five weeks since my wife died and there have been a LOT of things going on. From getting accounts moved/switched over, handling the legalities of death, figuring out care for our 12 year old Asperger's daughter, and getting back to my day job (albeit I am now working three days a week from home).
I've joined a support group that isn't religious or political at all... it's not against the rules or anything, it's just kept closely in check. It's full of other young widowed people and even a few who were on their way down the aisle before tragedy struck. It's helped quite a bit in short order.
Our dog's (I think I talked about that earlier) and my wife's cremains both came home the same day. So, while there are only three of us (the cat, our daughter, and me) still breathing air, our family is all home.
Our daughter's condition has her not processing emotions like most folks. In fact, she's barely shown any emotion in all of this except when she sees me upset or wonders what will happen when she returns to school in a few weeks. Her thought process is always so practical/pragmatic. She has seen her therapist and psychiatrist a couple times since Mom died and has opened up a bit. However, grief has not hit her, yet. It will, eventually.
I learned about something that had me in the doctor's office a week or two ago now... the Widowhood Effect. It does help to explain the physical manifestations of grief. I went just to make sure I was OK, as our daughter needs me too much. The Wikipedia entry about this is doom and gloom and contradictory to itself. I read some of the scholarly articles on it as well as some more layman interpretations. But, the physiological changes that happen are real and I can attest to that.
One of the biggest for me is that I'm down 28 pounds since my wife passed away. I'm eating, but certainly not her amazing Southern cooking and not nearly as much. It's OK, I could stand to lose another 28 or more.
I sincerely appreciate everyone's comments, suggestions, and condolences. Something I've figured out that you can all take with you... in the face of something like this we all try to come up with words that we think will help or will convey our own sadness for the person experiencing it. However, there are truly no words to do any of that. I've learned that the most honest statement is "I have no words." It expresses what both you and the recipient of your condolences are going through. Confusion, sadness, whatever. There just aren't words to describe the indescribable.
We will get through this, somehow and some day. We will never be the same, but that is out of our control and would be a fool's errand.
Ozymandias
TDR MEMBER
Hi
I have my self a form of Asperger, so i can imagine what you are going through with your daughter.
But I can also tell that for Us it is not such a tragedy if a close relative passed away then for a "normal people", for is it's more like "someone is gone, look forward". For myself I feel easier in this then when I see "normal people" crying for months.
So don't be to worried about how your daughter handles this. It will be right.
Ozy
I have my self a form of Asperger, so i can imagine what you are going through with your daughter.
But I can also tell that for Us it is not such a tragedy if a close relative passed away then for a "normal people", for is it's more like "someone is gone, look forward". For myself I feel easier in this then when I see "normal people" crying for months.
So don't be to worried about how your daughter handles this. It will be right.
Ozy
Ozymandias
TDR MEMBER
and yes your daughter needs you now even if she can't show it or doesn't react the way you would expect.
I’m in the “have no words” bunch. It is appropriate.
Thanks for sharing your experience as I do come to the point of taking what’s given for granted. I’m also glad that you’ve found a group you’re comfortable with. Indeed, your Daughter needs you. Have you ever watched the Disney/ Pixar movie “Inside Out”? What a great revelation on how the mind works.
Thanks for sharing your experience as I do come to the point of taking what’s given for granted. I’m also glad that you’ve found a group you’re comfortable with. Indeed, your Daughter needs you. Have you ever watched the Disney/ Pixar movie “Inside Out”? What a great revelation on how the mind works.
I love the movie Inside Out. 
It's been seven weeks since I last saw her, last kissed her. Seven long weeks. Saturdays are now hell for me. Don't know when they might get easier, but they have to at some point.
Our daughter is still seemingly OK, but I know it will eventually hit her. She does try to console me when I break down. Sadly, I know it's mostly just what she thinks she needs to do and she doesn't likely understand why I'm so broken about this. However, I do take comfort in it and appreciate her trying
2018 has been a pretty rough year...
Dog diagnosed with metastatic cancer in April
My transfercase deciding that it didn't want to drink red koolaid anymore in May
My wife dying June 9th
The dog dying (euthanized) June 13th
Now, my turbo and DPF are shot
Lots of outbound $$ and emotional stress and pain. So very much
It's been seven weeks since I last saw her, last kissed her. Seven long weeks. Saturdays are now hell for me. Don't know when they might get easier, but they have to at some point.
Our daughter is still seemingly OK, but I know it will eventually hit her. She does try to console me when I break down. Sadly, I know it's mostly just what she thinks she needs to do and she doesn't likely understand why I'm so broken about this. However, I do take comfort in it and appreciate her trying
2018 has been a pretty rough year...
Dog diagnosed with metastatic cancer in April
My transfercase deciding that it didn't want to drink red koolaid anymore in May
My wife dying June 9th
The dog dying (euthanized) June 13th
Now, my turbo and DPF are shot
Lots of outbound $$ and emotional stress and pain. So very much
Thump, I have a very firm belief in God, and that God surely sets out a journey for all of us and as we follow that journey, there are mountains and valleys, rewards and struggles. The Lord does test our strength during these trials, and we here are witness to yours and we support and encourage you to prevail.
I also believe that the trials which are imposed on us in this journey are not so immense that we cannot get through them. God wouldn’t do that to us. He never gives us a task that we cannot accomplish.
By accomplishment, I don’t mean to diminish any memorial to your resent losses, but in the ability for you and your Girl to cope with the change in your lives.
I went back in your postings, Thump, and I couldn’t find and I don’t recollect what you’ve shared with us here before these recent events, your interests. What I’m suggesting, before the summer is over and before school starts, as hard as it may seem to do, go and do a thing you enjoyed beforehand. Is it camping? Canoeing? Visiting places? A NASCAR race?
I know it’s unfathomable to think about having “fun” (I would consider it part of your recovery) during this time of mourning, but you might want to think about what she would want you to be doing right now? Ask your Daughter.
Regarding your truck, what brings you to that diagnosis?
I also believe that the trials which are imposed on us in this journey are not so immense that we cannot get through them. God wouldn’t do that to us. He never gives us a task that we cannot accomplish.
By accomplishment, I don’t mean to diminish any memorial to your resent losses, but in the ability for you and your Girl to cope with the change in your lives.
I went back in your postings, Thump, and I couldn’t find and I don’t recollect what you’ve shared with us here before these recent events, your interests. What I’m suggesting, before the summer is over and before school starts, as hard as it may seem to do, go and do a thing you enjoyed beforehand. Is it camping? Canoeing? Visiting places? A NASCAR race?
I know it’s unfathomable to think about having “fun” (I would consider it part of your recovery) during this time of mourning, but you might want to think about what she would want you to be doing right now? Ask your Daughter.
Regarding your truck, what brings you to that diagnosis?
I just came across this thread and as I tried to read it the computer screen kept getting blurry. Please accept my sincerest condolences on the loss of your beloved wife. Thank you for sharing with us. Please continue to share with us as. Even though we are all over the world we can share your pain. I too will be praying for you.
David
David
Wayne M,
We (our daughter and I) are going places and doing stuff. We have been to the movies (something our daughter and my wife cherished together). Although, we are behind by a few new releases now. Yesterday we went to an outing with the gold prospecting club to which we belong. Next weekend a friend in San Diego is putting us up and we are going to SeaWorld. Their son is an acrobat in one of the shows. My daughter wanted to go to SeaWorld again, so I mentioned it to my friend. He said we just needed to show up and the rest he and his wife will handle. Just confirmed those arrangements earlier this morning and we're all set. He even knows a couple girls the same age as my daughter who are season pass holders. So, those three will have a good time
Later this year I plan to take a road trip with Laurel, our daughter, just to go somewhere. Not sure where, yet... somewhere. We live in the Phoenix, AZ, area, so it will be driving from there with stops to see stuff.
As far as insurmountable challenges, this had better be the toughest. I don't see survival of anything worse. I won't lie that my faith is shaken deep in its foundation by this. It's still rather surreal and I think I'm barely going through the motions of life.
Again, just make sure those you care about in life know it every single day. You never know when it will be the last.
We (our daughter and I) are going places and doing stuff. We have been to the movies (something our daughter and my wife cherished together). Although, we are behind by a few new releases now. Yesterday we went to an outing with the gold prospecting club to which we belong. Next weekend a friend in San Diego is putting us up and we are going to SeaWorld. Their son is an acrobat in one of the shows. My daughter wanted to go to SeaWorld again, so I mentioned it to my friend. He said we just needed to show up and the rest he and his wife will handle. Just confirmed those arrangements earlier this morning and we're all set. He even knows a couple girls the same age as my daughter who are season pass holders. So, those three will have a good time
Later this year I plan to take a road trip with Laurel, our daughter, just to go somewhere. Not sure where, yet... somewhere. We live in the Phoenix, AZ, area, so it will be driving from there with stops to see stuff.
As far as insurmountable challenges, this had better be the toughest. I don't see survival of anything worse. I won't lie that my faith is shaken deep in its foundation by this. It's still rather surreal and I think I'm barely going through the motions of life.
Again, just make sure those you care about in life know it every single day. You never know when it will be the last.
With regard to the turbo and DPF...
P226C and another code related to the turbo. Also, it's obvious it isn't operating properly (slow to no boost and drinking fuel).
The DPF has been cracked for a while. The black tailpipe on a stock truck is a telltale sign, as is the almost constant regen it does.
I have to have the emissions system in place due to where I live. Otherwise it would be gone long ago.
P226C and another code related to the turbo. Also, it's obvious it isn't operating properly (slow to no boost and drinking fuel).
The DPF has been cracked for a while. The black tailpipe on a stock truck is a telltale sign, as is the almost constant regen it does.
I have to have the emissions system in place due to where I live. Otherwise it would be gone long ago.
Thump, just some ideas for a road trip.
Ouray Co. is a beautiful place
https://www.ouraycolorado.com/
The Air Force academy in Co.
Yellowstone of course
Crescent City Ca. to see the majestic Redwoods
Dave
Ouray Co. is a beautiful place
https://www.ouraycolorado.com/
The Air Force academy in Co.
Yellowstone of course
Crescent City Ca. to see the majestic Redwoods
Dave
So, it's the SCR system, which my 2011 doesn't have.
2010 to 2015 trucks with SCR are included.
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-...-over-faulty-emissions-part-epa-idUSKBN1KL2E3
2010 to 2015 trucks with SCR are included.
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-...-over-faulty-emissions-part-epa-idUSKBN1KL2E3
I usually have a song come to mind instantly in instances like yours, its just the way the musician part of me deals with lifes events. I haven't yet had your experience and quite frankly NOT SURE ILL EVER be ready for the inevitable. We had a lady at Church pass, that had always said that she wanted me to sing on the day that her success or failures will be revealed. I ask folks on requests like this to give me what they want me to Howl and ill at least give it a try come time. She gave me the Highest Complement I've ever received when she said let your Good Heart make the choice.
Taking to her before services Sunday last she asked me if my voice was in tune? I thought that she was talking about for that day, sadly she passed the next day. I talked with her Husband & Family following day and asked if they knew of songs that she liked ? They said the samething its your choice, She just loved the sound of your songs. I asked if I could walk through their home to get some ideas? as I did I noticed a Bible on a nightstand her Husband said it was hers and he felt empty with her gone and felt odd about moving it from the nightstand, WHY HER!! the first song came to mind. Looking at photos it was was very obvious that her love was for her family and their happiness after she was gone. Im by no stretch of the imagination as talented as any of these artists but have had a feeling that she wouldn't care as long as it was an honest effort. The 3rd Link I found in a envelope she had addressed to me and asked me to take a look. We enjoyed lengthy conversations at after Church Socials. You & Yours need to carry on, in the best way to honor her time in your lives.
BIG
Taking to her before services Sunday last she asked me if my voice was in tune? I thought that she was talking about for that day, sadly she passed the next day. I talked with her Husband & Family following day and asked if they knew of songs that she liked ? They said the samething its your choice, She just loved the sound of your songs. I asked if I could walk through their home to get some ideas? as I did I noticed a Bible on a nightstand her Husband said it was hers and he felt empty with her gone and felt odd about moving it from the nightstand, WHY HER!! the first song came to mind. Looking at photos it was was very obvious that her love was for her family and their happiness after she was gone. Im by no stretch of the imagination as talented as any of these artists but have had a feeling that she wouldn't care as long as it was an honest effort. The 3rd Link I found in a envelope she had addressed to me and asked me to take a look. We enjoyed lengthy conversations at after Church Socials. You & Yours need to carry on, in the best way to honor her time in your lives.
BIG
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Issue 128 – Digital Version
Digital Magazines
FREE!
TDR Test Drive - Digital Edition
Renew
Subscribe
Gift Subscriptions
Back Issues
Subscription Status
Address Change Form
Buyer's Guides
Ram Diagnostic Trouble Codes
The Perfect Collection
The Perfect Collection Vol. II
TSB Updates
Dodge/Cummins Historical Overview
Cameron Collection
What Makes Us Tick?
Product Showcase
Advertising
