Divorce

[rfoust]

I think I am going to run solo for quite a while and more than likely leave the area so I doubt she will ever see me with another woman. That being said, believe you me that I will get everything written down, signed and then transferred directly to stone.

What a pain in the arse.

 

[rfoust]

Well... . it's on!! She just got back fromt he lenders as she is trying to get the paperwork started to be able to do the "quick claim" so that she can get the house in her name. They gave her a figure to pay me about $10,000 less than what we agreed on. I told her this was unacceptable and that I would hire a pit bull of a lawyer if need be. This oughta be fun----hmmmmm, who would have guessed the difficulties and arguements would begin when money came into the picture?

 

[AfterBurner]

HAte to hear that things seem to be going down hill for you. i'm sure there will be just a "little" anger flying around, just don't do anything you'll regret.

"Be Angry, but do not sin" -Ephesians 4. 26

 

[rfoust]

I'll be angry but I rarely get irrational. If it gets ugly I'll just release the hounds(lawyers).



On a brighter side I saw the funniest and most fitting bumper sticker ever today----"Why get married?? Find a woman you hate and buy her a house". Nearly drove off the road laughing so hard at the irony of my situation and it put a smile on my face all day.

 

[HoleshotHolset]

On a brighter side I saw the funniest and most fitting bumper sticker ever today----"Why get married?? Find a woman you hate and buy her a house".

:-laf That's hilarious!



You know - stories like this make me want to avoid marriage like the plague. IF I ever get married - there's going to be one heck of a pre-nup. It's one thing to break my heart, but it's just not cool to break my bank account/wallet.



Matt

 

[Big MAK]

I went thru a difficult divorce; to some extent. Compared to -many- mine was -easy-.



Like my next door neighbor.



Ex accused him of molesting their child so she could get everything; including the child; and ditch him. Before they were even married he owned his house. Now it's fully re-mortgaged to pay attorneys and court appointed specialists (what a scam) AND he's having to pay his ex; the child aducting kidnapping bit**; for half of HIS house that he no longers owns because of HER. She litterally kidnapped their child; refused over a dozen court orders to return to the state. No enforcement action was ever taken against her by the courts. Can you imagine if a GUY did that??!! Around here when a guy does that kind of BS there's an amber alert and the feds are called if it's cross-state. But a GAL; no problemo; the courts practically hand her a plane ticket.



Errggh! So; thank god my ex was a good enough person not to make accusations like that!

 

[rfoust]

My lender just told me about some super nice guy that was married to this gal that got pregnant, ran up his credit cards to the tune of $70,000, had the baby and left. She applied for more cards in his name after she left him and the baby but luckily was denied. The guy has lost over 50 lbs(didn't have that much to lose) since she left because he fed the baby first and made his health secondary.



I guess the dipute I am having is hardly worth mentioning aftert putting things in perspective. I am very lucky. These kind of stories kinda make me feel like a whiner---so now I will pipe down.

 

[MrWinkey]

My parents just went through this after 30 years. My advice comming from a neutral party is talk to some people from your area ask what lawer they used and if they were happy with them. Talk to several before you make your choice.



The other thing is try and keep it civil and be nice about it no matter what. If you both end up getting really jerky lawers they both end up getting all your $$ and you get nothing.



Offer to meet her in the middle. Might pay to loose a little on the front end rather than pay lawers for years. As said before it might be worth a little extra $$ to just get her out of your life.



Good luck... . you'll need it.

 

[ladyjaine]

My ex asked for more than he thought he was entitled to. His problem was that he wasn't competent at it. In a community property state, he asked for 1/3 of the equity in the house, because I'd had it before we got married. I didn't argue. He was entitled to 1/2. And so on. He asked for one car and one motorcycle, leaving me with one car and one motorcycle. I knew he was entitled to one car, one motorcycle and cash to make up the difference between the values of the vehicles he got and the ones I got. And so on. He felt like a winner because I didn't argue with what he was asking for. I felt like a winner because he wasn't asking for 1/2.



My advice is determine what is valuable to her. Do not offer that to her in full. Offer her portions of it in return for what is valuable to you. Get the best advice you can to work out the separation agreement. In my state, one name could not be removed from the title of the house unless we had a signed, notarized separation agreement. Don't agree to anything if you are feeling pressured. Make her wait.



Jean

 

[HoleshotHolset]

Jean: You made some good points with your above post... it's good to see things from a woman's perspective.



Would you ever get married again? If your answer is affirmative, what would you do differently?



Matt

 

[Mike Ellis]

I feel for you guys that have suffered through divorce, it has to be one of the most traumatic experiences a body can endure.

Remember rfoust, it could always be worse. You will probably be much better off in the long run, good luck and God bless bud

 

[B.G. Smith]

Been there, done that

And had most of it happen to me. My ex thought she could stay young by ditching me and running with a younger crowd 34 years ago. After a court apperance last year, I hope the divorce is finally over. She got everything at the divorce, house new car, everything we had at the time. ( I gave it to her) And yes, I had a lawyer, he just was not very competent. She came back after 30 years and tried to get life insurance policies, retirements, savings accounts, and incentives that I had acquired after she was long gone. She also charged several thousand dollars on some credit cards with my name on them after she left. A carpet installer called while I was at the house one day before the divorce and wanted to know when hwe could install the new carpet, I told him unless he wanted to come back and rip it out he might should just hold off. She also stopped paying on the car after it and the liabality were awarded to her. Some retailers are very cooperative in stopping charges against outstanding cards etc. but some do not care who charges on them as long as they sell something. You have to get everything documented and legal before it is over, better to do it now than later. And I might add, her leaving was one of the best thing that ever happened to me. bg

 

[rfoust]

Things could be much worse(note above post) and I truly do think and know that this is for the best. It will be over and done and I will be able to roll on with life.

 

[QRTRHRS]

Having no kids can be a good thing. Once this is over, you won't have to deal with all that visitation stuff, etc. That was my case too. After the divorce and the house was sold, etc. , the last thing I told her was "okay, you got what you wanted, now, I don't want to ever see you or hear from you again, ever", click.



Anyway, I would also suggest that you don't purchase any big ticket items, not just now but for some time after this is over. Keep it simple for awhile. If the second guessing starts to get to you, seek some counciling or a support group and not the local bar either.

 

[rfoust]

Things are going to be kept simple---I prefer things that way. I don't drink or like bars so that is definitely out of the question.

 

[ladyjaine]

Jean: You made some good points with your above post... it's good to see things from a woman's perspective.



Would you ever get married again? If your answer is affirmative, what would you do differently?



Matt

If I ever got married again, I'd have a prenup. I'd have a post nup, too. I own a lot more stuff that I'm not willing to walk away from. Back then I knew that if I really wanted out, I could throw everything at him and walk away. I didn't own much other than the small townhouse.



With pre and post nups, you have to do a full disclosure. Each finds out exactly what the other owns and is or is not willing to share. If we stayed married past a certain time, I'd rip up pre and post nups. A post nup is really a sort of separation agreement signed well before there is a hint of possible separation. They are standing up in court better than pre nups. At this point in my life, I don't believe in community property laws. Stay married long enough and community property means something. But everything you own should not instantly become 50% someone else's just because you say 'I do. "



Jean

 

[HoleshotHolset]

Jean: I agree 100%.



I only have one issue with that. In my experience, when you start talking about pre-nups - gals don't take that very well. They often say: "Don't you think we'll be together forever? Don't you trust me?"



My answer is often: "No... and no. "



Matt

 

[FATCAT]

Ladyjaine / HoleshotHolset;

you guys have to be out of your minds to ever think of getting married agian.

As far as I'm concerned, marrage is one of the stupidest things for anyone to do these days. The lawyers and the courts have made it a loosing proposition for both sides (especially men).

Rfoust ... enjoy that new truck of yours now, cause you won't have it long ... kiss it good by and look for a early '90s 2WD Nissan cause that will be the most you'll be able to afford. And do your self a favor in the future ... if you ever cosider marrage again ... go out and buy a Harley ... at least you can trade it in for a new model without it costing you much.

 

[FATCAT]

Oh ... I almost forgot ... Rfoust, if you own any firearms GET RID OF THEM NOW. Better to get some money for them now, then have the police come in and confiscate them later. That is one of the FIRST things that will happen when you file for divorce. The potential for a Restraining Order is very high ... even if there is no reason for it, or you think it would never happen to you.

 

[rfoust]

She can't touch my truck-----it is business property and the business is a separate entity.

I have lots of firearms and they are going to spend some time with a friend for a while.