Fart ??

[lschultz]

How many times a day do you FART? Me I don't know I just like the sounds the gas/air makes escapeing. Wife use to tell me not to do that but she don't say much anymore. I guess after 29 years she finally learning I'm gonna do what I want when I want.

Lets see you top this Doc? :--)

 

[RT66DOC]

Very catchy headline Ischultz.



Ok, here's the answer:



A few years ago I read an article in a medical journal about a study done to determine which anti-gas (anti-flatulent) was most effective of those available at your friendly drugstore. This was a scientific double blind cross-over study (ie. , legit. ) So the researchers collected a bunch of volunteers and put 'em to the test. In the course of this project they found that the average subject farted approximately 17 times a day; some as many as 28. I don't remember the details, like did they just trust everyboby to carry around a little notebook, record each event and take their word for it? Or did they use honest-to-gosh Fart-O-Meters calibrated for altitude, OAT (outside air temp. ), humidity, dewpoint, and wind direction/speed?



I am not making this up.



Anybody wanna know which product was determined to be most effective?

 

[Boldt's Wagon]

My wife wants to know!

 

[Doc Tinker]

RT66DOC - did that journal tell what product to buy to increase your incidences of flatulent activity?



Doc

 

[illflem]

Doc, Check here and Dr. Rex Breefs will answer everything you ever wanted to know about making good farts. Seems like there must be a discussion forum for everybody nowadays.

I've always heard that the only bad thing about farting is tiring to hold one in.



The first to speak is he that who squeeked, he that denied it supplied it

 

[LSMITH]

I am not shy, I will let 'em rip in most cases. It is totally natural and everyone does it. Be prepared to be graded on tonal, duration, and volume qualities though, I may even speculate on on quantities of particulates ejected in said activities.



Face it, farts are funny. :-laf :-laf :-laf

 

[Shrimpy]

Not to Hijack your thread lschultz, but what kind of unique names do you have for farting



With my four year old and me, we say that we just heard an "Arizona Barking Spider". My wife was not around when my son and I discussed this so boy was she surprised when they were in the mall and my son announces..... "Hey mom, they have Arizona Barking Spiders in this store"... ..... Took her several days to figure that one out. I told her at least he didn't do what my daughters and I used to do... ... . blame them all on mom!!!!!!!



No offense to anyone in Arizona, it's just what we called them back in High School.....

 

[rrausch]

Is that fartometer digital or analog?

 

[lschultz]

illflem

Where do you come up with these links?Thats a good one. I sent it to all the guys I work with(theres quit a bit of natural gas around here). I sent it to a few other people too includeing some females!

 

[nixter]

Farting

I rarely fart and when I do they rarely stink. Although some forms of chili offered up at a BOMBING party can get me to tooting a little bit. Blackcloud on the other hand can clear a garage in a heartbeat:-laf :-laf . He sure can live up to his name.















Nixter

 

[Whitmore]

My wife says I have a very unique gift that allowes me to any tim after I eat I can produce a fart that smells just like the food I just ate. I am very proud of her to realize that I am gifted Kevin



by the way I can usually fart on command but one must be carefull not to do an attomic fart!!! they can have up to 6 inches of fall out in the end. been ther and done that:{ :{ :{

 

[LSMITH]

Re: Farting

Originally posted by nixter

I rarely fart and when I do they rarely stink.

Nixter

You are telling fibs here pal, the way I remember it was you that we were speculating on the micron rating of your shorts for filtering out the particles:--)













I also remember some talk of roadkill being stored in some orifice as well :-laf :-laf :-laf :-laf

 

[LarryB]

<EMBED src="http://www.funnyfarts.com/farts/fart3. wav" autostart=true hidden=true> Scuse me!

 

[lschultz]

Darnit sounds like we have something in common. I remember back in the early 70s a bunch of us went down to Mustang Island(Texas) and rented some house from somebodys kinfolk. After everybody had gone to bed and it was in the early morning hrs I had to fart. So I did. Oops looks like some particles slipped out. The wife was asleep so she did not know what was going on. So I get up and proceed to get me a fresh pair of underwear. I set down on the chair (wife had laid her shorts there)(I didn't know) and I guess there were some particles(thats a nice word for it)on my a**. I did not know that when I set down it would come off on my wifes shorts So after I clean my self off and have fresh underwear on I pick up the dirty ones and go outside and deposit them in a trashcan and go back in to sleep. Morning comes and wife wakes up and smells something. She asks me if I s*** in the bed Not me. She goes to put her shorts on and the odor is getting stronger and then she see something on her shorts. It don't take her long to figure out I was the cause of this problem. So she gets her another pair of shorts and gets dressed and goes through the house telling everbody what I did. :-{} But that was years ago and I haven't really had any accidents until after I had my wreck in 98 and about 6 months after that I had to have surgry. I remember the surgeron telling me that after he made a incision in my back he heard this strange noise. Sometimes I think about the darnst things. Maybe my head is still not quite right. At least thats what my wife keeps telling me. Maybe I need to check back into Brown Schools Rehabilitation?I can joke about it now but back in 98 when I was in there it wasn't to funny. And now you know the whole story.

 

[RT66DOC]

Hey lschultz - I just noticed you're from FLATONIA??? (fart = flatus - a little scientific lingo there) So is that how the town got its name?



Doc - Hatch (NM) green chiles + chorizo + pinto beans washed down with some el cheapo mexican cerveza.



rrausch - Best fartometers are digital but kinda pricey.



FYI - Most effective anti-flatulent in the study was Beano.



Anybody ever light one with a match? :-laf



"Better out and bear the shame than leave it in and bear the pain. "

 

[Double 6]

I use the "ONE CHEEK SNEAK'' myself, it's Silent but Deadly!

 

[illflem]

Why do your own farts smell so good???

You only think your farts smell good because you created them. Your parents probably clapped too loud and long when they were potty training you and now you think that you are hot stuff. Get a grip-you are just an ordinary guy with ordinary farts.

 

[Whitmore]

Ishultz your killing me:-laf :-laf :-laf I about put a load in my drawers reading it:{ I wish I could have seen the look on your womans face

Morning comes and wife wakes up and smells something. She asks me if I s*** in the bed Not me. She goes to put her shorts on and the odor is getting stronger and then she see something on her shorts. It don't take her long to figure out I was the cause of this problem. So she gets her another pair of shorts and gets dressed and goes through the house telling everbody what I did.

ROFFLMMFAO



. WOOPS . . WOOPS WOOPS

 

[Doc Tinker]

LOL@illfem



I'll bet what happened to lschultz has happened to most of you guys, you're just not telling. Maybe I can break that dam by telling my story, which is surprisingly similar to lschultz's



Six or seven years ago, several of my co-worker buddies and my son and I rented a cabin for a fishing trip at Temagami in north eastern Ontario, Canada. One evening we sat down to play cards. I didn't feel right, so I bowed out of the card game and laid down. After a while, I felt a huge fart building and I thought, "wow, once I get this out I'll feel better and will go play some cards". The gas moved through my bowels for about ten minutes and I was so excited when it was about to burst out, that I just let it rip. As soon as I ripped it, I knew I had made a grave mistake. I totally filled my shorts. It wasn't bad enough that I filled my drawers, but I had to walk through the room where my buddies were playing cards in order to get to the bathroom. I tried to walk casually through the room with that big wad in the seat of my pants, but I think the stench gave me away. Needless to say, I cleared the room.



Doc

 

[LSMITH]

OH man!!!! I have a little dampness in my shorts too but it is from nearly pi__ing my pants reading lschultz and Doc "mishap" accounts!!!! That is hilarious!