Give your dad a call

[rlyons]

Anyone who is luck enough to still have one, take the time and call or go to visit your dad or mother just to tell them how much they mean to you and spend some time with them before it is too late. I know this because I held my dad's hand and watched him take his last breath Friday. You tend to think a dad is forever until this happens and then it is hard to believe you will never see him again in this life. You begin to think of all the times you didn't go to see him and spend time with him because you had something that was more important to do that day or your work had to come first,well I know now that nothing is more important than family and no job is more important because no amount of money will by time on earth. Every day from now on I will hug my children, visit or call my mother and make sure my wife knows just how special she is and how much I love them all. Just venting some sorrow and grief and trying to keep anyone who cares to read this from going through the regrets I have now.

 

[Gene Arnold]

Sorry to hear about your Dad. I commend you for being at his side when he died.



On Christmas Eve, 1986, I had the privilege of watching my Dad's last breath. In 2004, my wife and I spent about three solid days and nights with my Mom when she was dying and my wife was at her side when she died.



I fully understand that there are circumstances that prevent family members from being there at death so no one should feel guilty when it is utterly impossible. However, having said this, nobody should have to die alone!



You'll have no regrets in future days and knowing you did everything you could to be there for him will be a comfort.



Gene

 

[CSnyder]

Rlyons, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Loosing someone that close will always give you a feeling of regret. I lost my dad on 2-14-02, my grandfather on 3-15-03, and my wife on 1-8-06. I am only 33 years old and feel very alone with lots of regret even though I was with my father and grandfather when they left this world. Somedays you will feel lots of anger but you have the right idea of letting those who remain know that you love them. Just be sure to not take your anger out on them.



Best wishes, Chris

 

[massdiesel]

Thoughts and prayers with you. I also know what you mean i was beside my brother 11-29-06 when he took his last breath and their isnt a day i dont think about him.

 

[rlyons]

I thank you all for the kind words. I will try to keep any anger in check but the vulchers are starting in the family already trying to see what they can get from my mom and I won't stand for that even if they are my sisters. Thanks once more for the thoughts and prayers.

 

[Turbo Tim 1]

Nip that in the bud right away, my dad passed away last February after his house caught on fire during a power outage, one of my siblings was at the house sifting through what was left like a treasure hunt first thing the next morning, even though the house and it's contents were left to my brother. She got straightend out immediately but onfortunantely they haven't talked to each other much since. Sorry to hear about you Dad, I know it's tough, in my case I wonder if I had done something different if he would still be here. To everyone, like RLyons said treasure your time!

 

[IC Smoke]

Rlyons

Im sorry to hear about your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.



Ian Coleman

 

[AMink]

Thanks for the reminder. I should know better, but don't always make the time to do the important things. I'm lucky enough to still have both parents, though my wife lost her mother about 11 years ago. A painful event.



I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck and stay positive... Heaven needed a helper.

 

[hammersley]

Some outstanding advice

and so sorry to hear about your loss but it took a big peson to admit what probably most of us have done - not been around as much as we should... . I'll add one other ---try to be sure to get as much information - oral history - about your Mom and Dad - and any relatives that you can... ... someday you'll kick yourself for not doing it..... I mean how they met - why they live where they do - how they got to where you were born - just let them talk and take a recording ... ... it will serve you well... ALSO - as stupid as it sounds - jot down some data about yourself - all the little data that you feel unimportant will be a great source of relief to someone someday.....

 

[Texas Diesel]

Been there, I was at my dads last night in the hospital. He had a DNR (cancer, stroke(s) & heart attack(s) all in 1 month). I watch him start choking at 2:30 AM, one nurse ran for the suction, the senor nurse grabbed her arm and said he had a DNR. We all stood there and watched him choke (lungs filled with fluid). Talk about a bad 2 minutes Afterwards i had to wait 20 mins for the Dr to pronounce death.



I'm glad I was there and held his toe the whole time, telling him it was ok and I would watch out for sis. He never struggled or grabbed his throat, I think he was ready to go.



The best part is that I had spent every night with him at the hospital, worked every day too. A couple of nights before I was bone tired and he wanted a Whataburger and Strawberry Milk shake. I went and got him those at 9PM. the next day he had another stroke and heart attack, and died that night. I'm sure glad I forced myself to make the burger run.



And again at my oldest son's death. He had cancer and elected to discontinue treatment after 8 months (all kinds of things in his body werent working from the Chemo and the cancer was stronger than ever). He died at home, in my arms. After his last breath his heart beat for about 3 AGONIZING minutes, I know, I had my head on his chest. He was 18 and 8 months. I had to tell my wife not to grab the 02, it would only prolong the suffering. He also asked my permission to terminate the chemo, I gave the ok. Words cant describe how I feel about this.





I had to close both their eyes. That hurt. Funny, I never talked about it till now.



I dont honestly know how I live with myself, guess your thread reminded me I have no absolution.



You are not alone.



Yes, call your dad, and call your children, send your wife some flowers. You dont know how much time is left.

 

[hammersley]

Texas .....

wow - thanks so much for telling us this story..... so sorry about your loss's... . life is at times very hard to figure out - I sincerely believe that we don't understand why certain things happen - but their results often have hidden effects. By this I mean that your telling of this story may have a significant positive impact to somebody that you'll never know... ... The love you had for your son and us for our father's - well is what makes life worth living..... and I do believe that you'll see them again... ...

 

[MFalkinham]

rlyons, I'm sorry for your loss.

I also held my Dad's hand when he died 4 years ago at the age of 63. He had battled MS for 10 long years. His last words to me were "Thank you" after I told him I would not let anyone violate his DNR orders. After that he became unconcious until the end.

It was an honor to be there when he passed away, although since then I've thought of lots more things that I should have said to him before he was gone.

 

[Sageair]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I have lost both my folksand still miss them. I'd like to add to your story if I may. I almost lost my son this year to menengitis. (he's fine now thanks) Every time I think I'm having a bad day I call him because I can. Just knowing that he is alive and I can talk to him whenever I want to. This got me thinking about the other people I love. I call them alot more these days.

 

[J Shocik]

RLyons, please take comfort in being able to be with your dad when he left you. I wasn't so lucky. But at least I know my dad didn't suffer. He went quick, which is probably the best way. that's how I look at it.

Anyways, my condolences to you & your family in your time of grief. Just remember the good times you had with him. I'll remember my dad that way...

 

[Mike Ellis]

Rlyons, my heart goes out to you. I hope that you and your family are able to find some comfort in your time of loss. My wife and I stood by my father-in-law's bed as he died from emphysema and lung cancer. It was an agonizing experience, he fought so hard to breathe and we were powerless to help. At least we were able to be with him and stand by his side during his last fight though.



Texas Diesel, your comments about your son's death moved me profoundly. I cannot imagine the pain you must have felt, to see your son go through such an ordeal.

I dont honestly know how I live with myself, guess your thread reminded me I have no absolution.

You honored your son's last wishes in spite of the horrendous pain it inflicted on you. A father could have no greater love. My heart goes out to you sir, and my thoughts and prayers will be with you, and all of the posters on this thread.