The bigger compressor wheel in the reworked turbo should give plenty of airflow, but somehow hasn't.
I went through this same thing when I bought my first turbo. Bigger does not always equal cooler egts. It's all about where in the rpm range do you want the power to be delivered.
The larger compressor
can move more air than the stocker - but it needs more energy to do so. Think of a house fan. If all you do is put a larger diameter, more aggressive fan blade on it without upgrading the motor, you'll still move about the same amount of air (possibly even less) because the standard motor will turn slower because of the extra load from the larger fan. The fan just transfers energy from the motor to the air; if there isn't any more energy to transfer, the fan won't magically move more air.
Same with the turbo. The bigger compressor needs more energy, and that comes from the exhaust gas volume. So you'll need to keep the rpms up to move more air through the turbine side to drive the compressor (egts for the new turbo are probably quite controllable above 2000 rpm, aren't they?). Or a good healthy dose of throttle will provide enough gas expansion to light the turbo up (this would be the common "add more fuel" solution), but when you're under the turbo with skyrocketing egts and a trailer in tow, that's not the best solution as you know.
As you've found, larger turbos aren't always the best solution for towing. A turbo has about a 500 rpm effective range on our engines, and if you shift that window higher into the rpm band, then the bottom end will suffer.
What size compressor did you upgrade to? How about the exhaust housing size?