tractorface,
I never feel closer to God than when I am outdoors in the wild, enjoying the majesty of His Creation. I am not much of a "people person", I do not like crowds and much prefer solitude for comtemplation. When I was a boy, church was torture for me because our church had a large picture window and during the service I had to sit rock-solid-still or Dad would thump heck out of my ear (kaaaa-RACK!). So I would sit there and listen to the preacher drone on, and stare out the window miserably longing to be outside. I never knew what was going on. Where was "a dull tree" located, and why was the preacher always trying to keep people from climbing it? Why was wearing shorts sinful if you were at Church camp, but not if you were at school in gym? Why did the preacher read a passage about Jesus turning water into wine one day, and then rail about drinking the next? What was a tithe - like a sabre-toothed tither? Why were Methodists and those Piscopal folks going to the lake of fire? Why did my ear hurt so much?
I disliked the experience so intensely that when I grew up, I went many years without ever entering a church again. Interestingly enough, my faith grew much stronger in the intervening years as I learned more on my own, like you mentioned I looked at other religions and tried to understand "where the truth was" so to speak.
Eventually, the thing that struck me about many of them was how they shared some of the basic teachings (kindness, compassion, love) but appeared to be set up out of self-interest - just about every one was wrapped around a 'professional priesthood' that lives off the faithful. The Biblical accounts of Jesus and his Apostles are strikingly different - they spread their message with no agenda of personal gain, facing huge risk and hardship to do so. Their message was not one of division, of control, or of hatred - Jesus directly defied the existing religious dogma of the Jewish faith and said that God's word was for ALL mankind. This was again a significant departure from the "average" religion in that His message contained no "chosen people", no call for ethnic strife, no death to the infidels, no buying your way into Heaven. Just a simple, direct message - "Believe in me. " - open for anyone, anytime, anywhere.
Over the years I had become cynical in the extreme, so I pondered this for a long time. "What was His angle?" I wondered. It became evident, that there WAS no angle. Jesus and His apostles spread the new message out of love, not greed, self interest, thirst for power/control, or anything else. The message of Jesus turned out, in fact, to be the only true example of "something for nothing" that I had ever found. I was drawn back to the Bible, and reading through the New Testament again I finally "got it", after years of looking for truth I found that it had been with me all along.
Jesus is there for us all. He'll be there waiting for you, anytime you want to talk to Him. You don't need a preacher, or a choir, or a pew, or Potluck Dinner committee - He is your personal Savior, and you can talk to Him anytime, anywhere, anyway you want to - walking outdoors, playing music, helping others, just looking into the eyes of a child. He will always be there, and His relationship with you will never falter even when some of His followers disappoint you in the extreme.
Took me a long time to learn that, some folks figure it out when they are children but like my Dad says, "Mike has a knack for doing things the hard way. "
