Women.....

[JoshPeters]

Alright guys..... my friends are sick of hearing about this... . so I'm looking for advise.

I kinda feel like XCumminsX



Anyway,

2 years ago I met a great woman, things were going very well. Almost to well. To the point where she was scared. She couldnt' really find anything wrong with our relationship. Well one night at the club that we went to every week, someone decided to start a rumor, I had cheated on her. When indeed I had not. Initially she wouldn't even talk to me. I was honestly heartbroken. I had never and very possibly will never feel that way for someone again. After about 6 months we finally talked. She had another Boyfriend, Russ. We would talk here and there. We had both missed the others friendship. So we continued to talk and hangout. I had a pretty hard time holding my feelings down, and still being a friend. I did it, and we have become VERY close friends. Well she and Russ broke up back in March. She said she wanted to be single for a while. She decided she wanted to go back to school. She moved back home with her mom, and started working full time and going to school. About a month later she met Steven. He seems to be a good guy, a Guardsman. So, after all this, I still love her. I always will. I have no reason not to. I suppose one, she's not with me. Well she called me today, he leaves for Iraq in a couple weeks. He asked her to marry him. She said yes. They are getting married before he leaves. I have never felt so happy for someone, but yet hurt so much at the same time.



The advise I need is this: How can I move on. Everyone just tells me to do so. She and I have been broken up for over a year now. I can't seem to.



Thanks guys,

Josh

 

[Jeff H]

It makes me mad that she believes a rumor and not you. Doe she still think that you cheated on her?

For me. I may stay in contact. But would rather not see her anymore. Once you become more than a friend. I can't ever go back to just being a friend.

 

[Bertram65]

Don't see her or talk to her anymore, it's the best thing for both of you. She is married forget about it, she made her choice. I have been there, the only thing that will take the pain away is time and not being in contact with her. All you can remember now is the good times and how great everything was, if you got her back it would never live up to your expectations of how good you think it would be to have her back.

 

[MN Cummins Lvr]

Josh,



Invite her to dinner or something and tell her exactly what you wrote here. I personally don't understand how you can marry someone after knowing them only a few months. If she knows how you truly feel, who knows? Maybe she will go back to you. If not, you just have to move on and find a chick that drives a Mercedes Benz :-laf :-laf



Good Luck!

"Sandblaster"

 

[rmrc]

I really do know what you're going through. Years ago, I had a similar situation. As others have already said, the best thing you can do is avoid her at all costs. Trying to stay friends after the relationship that you both shared just doesn't work!!! Unfortunately, only time will eventually ease the pain you now feel.

 

[GIT-R-DONE]

Alright guys. .



The advise I need is this: How can I move on. Everyone just tells me to do so. She and I have been broken up for over a year now. I can't seem to.



Thanks guys,

Josh

Time is the only thing that helps. Dont see her, talk to her, anything to do with her. You need to try and get out and realy start playing the field. Over time you will/should realize that you shouldnt want someone that doesnt want you.

I had a similar situation as well, took a few years for me to realize I was a fool for trying to hang on to the past, years I wasted and could have been doing something else. Dont let that happen to you. It sucks, I know , but after some time has passsed and someday youll meet up with her and understand that it wasnt meant to be... .

 

[mike r]

Sounds to me that she had something going on before you had any clue and the rumor that got started was the excuse she needed to get out. In time you will see how it plays out and then you'll know what was going on. Trust me on this one. She's what is known as a T-girl. Turmoil-girl. She needed to stir things up and most likely it was to distract you from finding out something you didn't want to know. Her new hubby is gonna live out your legacy for you and you'll be on the sidelines watching the show and not get caught up in the meylay. The major plus on your side is that you didn't have any children that she would've hurt. Go back to hunting and fishing and trucks, they don't leave you regretting everything, everything else will fall into place.

 

[DaveN]

The way to get over her is to start dating other people. Then you'll meet someone else, and over time you forget about it.

 

[MFalkinham]

..... things were going very well. Almost to well. To the point where she was scared. She couldnt' really find anything wrong with our relationship.

That info tells you everything you need to know about her. Prima-donna drama-queen. Now she's marrying this guy who is her third relationship in the past year? It's her loss, Josh; just move on and don't look back.

 

[Sojourner]

The voice of experience: You're young, don't be pining away for her, you're gotta miss out on a whole lot of good... um... you know!

 

[XcumminsX]

Bang Her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MrWinkey]

Exactly what the guys on here are saying... ... .



If she wasent at least willing to hear your side of the story I wouldnt of even talked to her agian. She's obviously got some problems if she is going to marry some guy that quick.



It's very hard to have a "friends" relationship after any other kind. I tried it and basicly ended up having to tell the woman that I couldnt see her anymore because it was too hard to be that close and not rember all the fun we had. She will always have a special place in my heart..... right next to my first GM product... ...

 

[SRadke]

I was separated from a girl when one of her friends told her I had played around with another woman. I had not. She didn't want to talk about it and refused to believe the truth. If she can't trust me I'll never be able to trust her, time to move on. It really is best that way. Trust is #1 in any relationship.



-Scott

 

[JoshPeters]

Gentlemen, I think you for all the advise. So far I have come to the conclusion that I can't walk totally away at this point. We are to good as friends. I am going to try (I said try) to just do all the talking through E-mail or on the phone. I'm gonna try to not see her, I think that has been one of my hang-ups. I'll of course keep you guys posted on the situation. Of course, I'm always taking advise!



Josh

 

[HoleshotHolset]

Josh,



Is this the gal that you took on your offroad escapade? You know... the time when you lost reverse... ? If not, what happened to that girl - she can't be all that bad if she still talks to you after putting her through that night...



It's easy for people to advise you to move on... afterall, there are PLENTY of other gals out there... but, we've all been hurt by at least one gal... some of us have been hurt multiple times (and never learn). I've been on both ends of this and it's NEVER cool. You're a young guy (with an ugly truck) - head on out to the local saloon and take yer pick. Try something different than your 'usual brand' this time... you might be pleasantly surprised.



No offense...



Matt

 

[TGreschuk]

Josh,

I too went through what you are going through now. It's miserable, but the advice posted by all the members is correct. If she is skittish now, trust me, she will be a real handfull in 10 years. You don't want to marry her, have kids and then be wondering when/if she's coming home. A little(lot) of pain now is better then a world of hurt later. In my case I spent a year pining for the "one" only to be treated like a 3rd class citizen and made to feel miserable. Then the God's smiled on me, I met my wife, fell in love and 21 years later still wouldn't trade her for anything. If I hadn't put myself back on the market but instead settled for the "one" I probably would have had 20 years of misery, been an alcoholic and jumped off the roof. Life's funny like that. In hindsight, some of the best things that have ever happened to me only happened because I didn't get what I wanted. Know what I mean? Hang in there and be cool.



Trent

 

[RT66DOC]

Another case of hormone poisoning. Hey, if it gets really bad you can always go look up XcX's ex g-friend.



Seriously, remember that "strength comes of adversity", there's a positive in every setback if you look for it, and ---> God will never give you more than you can handle. Works for me.

 

[JoshPeters]

God will never give you more than you can handle. Works for me.

Well here's another thing to handle... granted. . it's not me, but it's my roommate.

We went to the bar last night looking for my next X girlfriend. :-laf We of course drank a bit, but being the bar is only 2 miles from home... that shouldn't be a problem. Well I was pretty well gone, he said I shouldn't drive, I had way more than him. OK, no problem. So on the way home... we get pulled over. He got a DWI, truck got impounded. The best part: We got pulled over 2 blocks from the house. He let me walk home, but wouldn't let the truck sit or just be driven the 2 blocks to the driveway. $122 later I have my truck back.

Josh,



Is this the gal that you took on your offroad escapade? You know... the time when you lost reverse... ? If not, what happened to that girl - she can't be all that bad if she still talks to you after putting her through that night...



- head on out to the local saloon and take yer pick. Try something different than your 'usual brand' this time... you might be pleasantly surprised.



No offense...



Matt

That gal was a little to... . umm... how can I put it..... she was a bit "to sophisticated" for my tastes. She completely didn't understand our redneck antics that night. Not that there is any rhyme or reason to them, but a large bonfire with chairs and whatnot on fire, and someone running their truck through the swamp is pretty normal to me. :-laf



Josh

 

[HoleshotHolset]

He got a DWI, truck got impounded.

That sounds like a rough night.

She completely didn't understand our redneck antics that night. Not that there is any rhyme or reason to them, but a large bonfire with chairs and whatnot on fire, and someone running their truck through the swamp is pretty normal to me. :-laf

That gal doesn't know how to have a good time - keep looking!



Matt

 

[Mike Ellis]

Hey Josh,



As you can tell from the responses to your message, your problem is not an uncommon one. There are a couple of things that conspire to make such a situation so messy: First, we tend to look back and idealize that relationship "Boy I didn't know how good I had it, no woman in the world could ever match up to her", and second, sometimes we want the one we CAN'T have even more. Truthfully, if she had been "the one" she would be with you now because she would have believed YOU instead of the rumors.



Staying friends is a BAD idea bud. The girl in this situation found a "significant other" PDQ in the period after your breakup, indicating a strong need to be with somebody. Her hubby will be off in Iraq risking his life, while his wife is back home in the states being bored and watching her friends go out and have bonfires and party. When she gets lonely, she'll start looking for a shoulder to cry on ("the Handy Man" like the old James Taylor song says) and it will be YOU. Meanwhile, the poor SOB who is overseas won't even know what is going on until he gets the highly-probable Dear John letter.



Even if you have the virtue of a saint and NOTHING ever happens between you, the gal will inevitably split her affections (even if just mentally) between her hubby overseas and you. Without really trying, you could end up driving a wedge and ruining somebody's marriage. Put yourself on the other side of the situation - how would you like to be going overseas with your new wife left behind with a good friend ex who won't let go?



Time to crimp off those old feelings and start over bud - no point standing around with your saddle in your hand while somebody else has already ridden your horse over the hill. CATCH ANOTHER ONE!