Divorce

[rfoust]

Well, the wife and I decided to get a divorce and then I realized I have no idea how to go about this. We are both friendly(I should say we both agree that it isn't working) right now and the only large asset that we have is the house----she wants to stay in it and buy me out, I agree to this. We have no kids.

To those with the knowledge and experience: Can this be done without a lawyer? Can we hire a lawyer to help us both and advise us along the way? We are both getting along and agreeing now but do these things usually turn ugly? Lastly, if a lawyer is a must then does anyone in Colorado know a lawyer south of Denver in the Colorado Springs area?

Man, this sucks and it is only gonna get worse.

Thanks in advance.

 

[BarryG]

When my wife and I split up many years ago it was on I guess what you would call friendly terms. We paid like 300. 00 for a lawyer to do all the paperwork for us. I think if you can agree on everything then you can get it done with one lawyer and for cheap as all they are doing is typing up some doco and filing it.

 

[GIT-R-DONE]

First off, sorry for you that things arent working out for you both, but in the long run, it will be better for the both of you. With that said, yes, things can work out and just do it with one lawyer. Its always better to cover your back side as usually people cant just get along.



All the more better for the both of you if you can get along long enough to get the proper paperwork signed, sealed and delivered. I would suggest getting an appointment with a lawyer and BOTH of you going to talk to him/her at the same time. Tell them what it is you want to do and let them take it from there.



Good luck.

 

[Tee]

I don't know about CO. But Utah has what they call "Mediators" (sp) They don't work for either side. The problem I had with just one lawyer (mediators weren't legal means here yet?) was he could only be one of our clients. Once he had the X signed up he started telling her all the things she should get even though we had gone into him with everything settled, just needed paper work drawn up and submitted. Ended up creating a hostile situation where one didn't exist before. (I HATE LAWYERS!)

A friend of mine recently did it all himself NO lawyer involved. Him and his X went to the courthouse and got the papers and he said there is now a "do it yourself" kit to walk you thru it.

I would look at the other options before hiring a lawyer. (I HATE LAWYERS!) They just tend to muddy things up for there own personal bank account improvement if it is already a (civil) divorce.

My . 02 Keep the change

 

[Boomer II]

I wouldn't pay for a mediator, I did and it was for nothing. We ended up using the same lawyer cause we had everything woked out beforehand too. There are ways to do a divorce without a lawyer, I'd do a search on line for do it yourself kits.

 

[dalton4]

You stated she wished to buy you out (house). The mortgage company, assuming there is one, contracted with you. Different arrangements will have to be made with lender to free you of this contractual agreement.

 

[rfoust]

All very helpful info. The wife(or future X) found one of those mediators that she thought would be helpful. $200. 00 for the filing and $50. 00 PER PERSON/PER HOUR---shouldn't take too long so maybe all of this will be over with only $500. 00 or less out of pocket.

We found out about the mortgage stuff that has to be done today and are proceeding down that route.

Well she started questioning my figure I came up with to buy me out. Very fair considering she has NEVER paid a mortgage payment or any other bill and it was my small inheritance that was used for the downpayment. This is where it has the potential to get ugly---hope it doesn't but it sure is leaning that way.

 

[dalton4]

Depending on the down payment total ... fees for a lawyer could quickly exceed that amount. Something to keep in mind and weigh out if she starts playing hardball.

 

[wyosteve]

How much did you spend on your wedding? Since you spent that much to get her, you should be willing to spend at least that much to get rid of her. Now is not the time to get cheap! A 'do it yourself' divorce usually costs more in the long run than getting an attorney involved. My . 02.

 

[NPloysa]

I don't know about CO. But Utah has what they call "Mediators" (sp) They don't work for either side. The problem I had with just one lawyer (mediators weren't legal means here yet?) was he could only be one of our clients. Once he had the X signed up he started telling her all the things she should get even though we had gone into him with everything settled, just needed paper work drawn up and submitted. Ended up creating a hostile situation where one didn't exist before. (I HATE LAWYERS!)

A friend of mine recently did it all himself NO lawyer involved. Him and his X went to the courthouse and got the papers and he said there is now a "do it yourself" kit to walk you thru it.

I would look at the other options before hiring a lawyer. (I HATE LAWYERS!) They just tend to muddy things up for there own personal bank account improvement if it is already a (civil) divorce.

My . 02 Keep the change

Tee, do you HATE lawyers?

 

[GFritsch]

I encourage you not to give up. All marriages including mine have had less than perfect periods. I am very glad I didn't let it go, and now it is stronger than ever. Before you let your marriage disolve spend time with your wife and go over all the right things, and how to make it work. I know many divorced people, and few are happier after. My folks divorced after 35 years and neither have all the happiness they thought the other was denying them. It is not easy, but the most rewarding things in life are the most challenging.



Enough for Dr. Phil. I hope everything works out for you.



Greg

 

[rfoust]

I do not believe in divorce at all. I also have spent the last 2. 5 months, at my request, going to counseling with her. As it turns out, she doesn't really want to make it work as I suspect she has someone else waiting in the wings. Hasn't come out and said it but definitely has implied that I am an obstacle. She has gone out partying and not returned until the morning 2 times in the last month. To try to fix this "marriage" is an exercise in futility.

Just lucky there are no kids involved and we can go our separate ways without affecting anyone else. Thanks for the encouragement but as you can see this just isn't gonna work.

 

[GIT-R-DONE]

Keep your head up rfoust. Hope you can get through this all peacefully and move on. It is hard but you will get through it. You may even see over time that this may have been for the better, you just dont know it yet. Learn to do more and more for YOURSELF now and look out for ole #1.



There is a song by Garth Brooks called "Unanswered Prayers" that I know fit my situation, but it wasn't until a few years later that I was able to see the trees for the forest.

 

[Mike Ellis]

First thing I would do is head out and visit a lawyer on my own, no wife around, and get some legal advice. It's worth paying for. Note that just visiting the lawyer doesn't mean that you have automatically mounted a legal attack on your wife, it is simply a matter of gathering intelligence before a battle.



Consider: if she has been planning on a divorce for a while, the odds are good that she has already consulted with someone about the situation. Depending on Colorado property laws, even a "civil" divorce could get pretty ugly pretty quick. For instance, if you are in a community property state, she may already have a legal interest in your truck, toys, you name it.



I am not a huge fan of the legal professionals, but sometimes they are indispensible. If you don't consult with one, you may end up in a legal fistfight with your hands tied behind your back. It can be an ugly experience to lose a nice house, truck, and toys and wind up living in a one-bedroom lowrent apartment driving a beater to work, while your ex is still enjoying all the fine things you "used" to have.



Another thought - there may be resources in CO Springs and Denver for divorced men, like advocate websites on how to deal with the law etc. Might be worth a bit of searching

 

[drawson]

I feel for you man!!! I just went through something just like this. On April 1, 2003 I found out my wife(now X) was having an affair I tried for over a year to save my marriage of 20 years(not for me but my 3 kids), we did marriage counceling, spent all sorts of time together and I thought things where getting better until in January I found out all that time she was still seeing the guy :{ I tried for my kids sake to be civil and it got me screwed!!!! Even though she was one one that was the cause the courts systems screw us guys. I suggest you go for to a lawyer and get your butt covered!!! My Ex had me thinking that she wasn't going to screw me but it was just one of her many lies!



Screw or get Screwed

 

[QRTRHRS]

My ex and I initially saw our lawyer together for some fact finding. We had already somewhat agreed on how to divide things up. I don't recall if it was state law or what but the lawyer said he then could not represent either of us so that was just one more bill to pay. As has been suggested, secure a lawyer on your own. Stay cool and by all means, do not, I repeat do not tell your wife what is happening with you and your lawyer.



Most likely, you are not going to be happy with what your wife wants. If you have to give a bit more, figure on what a protracted court fight will cost you. Try to hash this out ASAP. When she seeks council, if she has not already, her lawyer will more than likely try to pervert her thinking. You know, try to tell her she can get more.



Although we had worked it out, my ex did try to push for more. I then told her that if she persisted, I would play hardball and everything would go for legal payment so if that's what you wish, go for it. She relented. Also, in her case, she was moving with her "business associate" which was three or so hours away.



Do you have a pension program through your work? 401K? Figure those into the equation. Buy her out if possible or if necessary. Have legel documentation to prove this out in the future.



I was the one who told my ex I wanted a divorce. She then beat me to the punch and filed before I did by the way. Even though we were working through as I discribed above. I had to eat some crow in that courtroom that day, I will tell you that. Thing is, living in a small town, there was not one person present that day who did not know the truth. All in all, this started the end of August that year and we were divorced, no fault, on Dec 18th that year. Good luck.

 

[rfoust]

Thanks for all of the advice guys. I spent the weekend up in the woods clearing my head and enjoying life without wondering or even caring what the wife was up to-----very nice!!! 12,000ft. + elevation and tons of snow does wonders for mental health!!!

I still hold out hope that she will stay civil and she has agreed to everything so far. I have a client that is a lawyer and I will be talking to her solo just to get the advice. There is one thing that will not happen, I will not get screwed----anymore.

I am going to get out of this feeling good to get this heavy burden off my shoulders.

 

[rfoust]

Huh, hadn't even thought of a password. Guess I'll do that now.

Thanks

 

[Big MAK]

Get everything chiseled in stone so when she see's you with another women she won't be able to screw you over. My ex was running around with someone else; we got divorced fairly civil; then after I re-married and even when dating before that -- 4 court cases later --



Get the picture? Doesn't matter if she's the one running around. When she sees you with someone else her tune will change and she'll come after you for every and anything.

 

[drawson]

Big MAK is right!!! My ex was screwing around for 4 years and as soon as I found my current wife the ex wanted even more. But she had already got most ever thing already...