Fart ??

[bmoeller]

:-laf :-laf



http://www.debsfunpages.com/babyjacuzzi.htm

 

[radixr]

Fart Story

It was a long time ago. We were in the 9th grade and had English class in an isolated corner in the cafeteria due to a lack of classrooms. Our teacher was very strict and looked like -- well, picture Janet Reno only uglier, older, fatter and meaner. Anyway, one spring afternoon, she was late getting to class and, of course, we were a little boisterous. When she walked around the corner, it got so quiet you could hear the cockroaches making out in the kitchen.



She started to sit down and all of a sudden, her dress began to vibrate. A split second later, my ears were assulted by what sounded like two slimy hunks of rump roast slapping together. Well, my reaction was instantaneous, involuntary and perfectly normal. I howled! Only one other guy laughed with me.



Her jowls stiffened as she stared me down. I quickly regained my outward composure (although, I was still chortling to myself) but it was too late. The damage had been done.



I tried explaining to my parents why my English grade went from a B to an F but they weren't buying it. When I refused to change my story, my Dad tanned my butt. I think he believed me though, because I didn't have to drop trou and he didn't whack me very hard. I didn't blame him --, my Mother was insisting I be disciplined and faced with the choice of a cold bed or my hot butt, well...



Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! :{

 

[tURBOdIEZEl]

i just dont say anything, when she runs out the room i just laugh

 

[Ol'TrailDog]

One of the few Korean phrases I've managed to pick up from the wife is:



IGOO NEM SAY YA!!!! (my best translation)



Meaning: Whewie!, Now that really stinks! :-laf Or something to that effect. (note: the body language says it all. :-laf )

 

[HoleshotHolset]

One of the few Korean phrases I've managed to pick up from the wife...

I'll have to see about a Hindi or Bengali translation...



Matt



Here's the Bengali translation fresh from New Delhi, India:

"tomar paadoor tekey gondhow ashche" = "your fart is stinking"

"paadoo" = "fart", but it changes when used in a sentence...



:-laf

 

[CSnyder]

this thread is soooooooo fun



A couple weeks ago my seven year old daughter kept running at me and slamming into my butt so after about 5 times of telling her to quit I gave up telling and dropped my shorts in her face and let one go... . needless to say she quit.



Has anyone ever been in the middle of getting "favors" and let one go in her face??? :--)

 

[Wheaties]

Ayuhhh, there's an old joke about a 'first timer' out on leave being taken to a brothel. When the paid entertainment asks him what he'd like, he answers truthfully that he doesn't know. She goes down the list, "well there's missionary position, me on top, 69... "



69 sounds interesting, so he says he'll take that. So they assume the position. After a few minutes, she lets one go, then a minute or so later she lets go another.



"Lady... ", he says, "I don't think I can take 67 more of those!"

 

[Ol'TrailDog]

#ad




STOP!... PLEASE STOP! #ad




#ad

 

[AfterBurner]

Ran 3 people out of my dorm room the other day! Oo.

One of them came in, made a horrible face, then tried to talk to me. I just sat there looking innocent, and after about a minute of trying to catch his breath, he finally gave up and left. :-laf :-laf

Another one just opened the door, and you would have thought he just got hit by train! He didn't even say hi, just left!



that's what they get for no knocking!



And the best one was when my roomate returned 3 hours after the fact, he opened the window and stuck his head out for 10 mins, while the room aired out!



One of the greatest days of my life...

 

[bmoeller]

Is that another reason why you have "AfterBurner" as you username? LOL

 

[AfterBurner]

Is that another reason why you have "AfterBurner" as you username? LOL

 

[Wheaties]

I was in the bathroom at work quietly ensconsed in a stall when someone came in an dashed into a stall at the other end. Did you ever hear a fart that sounded like the air coming out of a tire? Well he lets go with one of those, "Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst". Then he throws the plug with a bang, followed by more escaping gas.



And I thought, "Ya know, it's great the way managment shares the same bathroom we all use"

 

[nickleinonen]

oh, i've been at school now for 6 weeks, and every wednesday, the caf. serves jerk chicken... oh man does that get the stink works up & runnng. . mine arn't so bad, but a few other of my class mates well, they will clear an entire class room out and the one guy gagged so bad that he puked up a little... i can't wait till weds...

 

[Tcolesanti]

One time a couple of years ago a bunch of friends and I went to Six Flags in Santa Clarita, Ca. We had drank heavily the night before and it was hotter that haites out there in the middle of summer. Being it was a saturday, there were quite a few people there and well, the lines were pretty long. All of us had been tearin it up in the lines all day, by the afternoon I was positive I had to download, and quickly too, found the restroom and headed that way. I found the only open stall and thought I was'nt going to get my shorts down in time, I swear this turd flew out of my hind end at about mach 6. Immediately followed by the largest gastro-intestinal release of my entire life to date. I heard at least 4 other guys in there say "what the ****!!!" and "oh my god!!! then toilet paper rolls and opening doors. I started laughing so hard I could'nt stop. My buddy said he heard it outside the bathrooms. I swear that one little turd was plugging up the whole works but when it let go it was the

QUICKEST TURD ON THE PLANET :--)

 

[HoleshotHolset]

About 2 or 3 days ago... I woke up from a sound sleep at ~4AM to this really loud beeping noise.



At first I thought it was my alarm clock... it wasn't. It was my carbon monoxide and explosive gas detector. Since the display read 'GAS'... I was going all around the house like a bloodhound trying to pick up a scent. After 5 minutes... I went back to bed and laughed myself to sleep after realizing that it may have been ME that set the thing off. :-laf



That detector has never gone off like that before and hasn't done it since then.



Matt

 

[nickleinonen]

About 2 or 3 days ago... I woke up from a sound sleep at ~4AM to this really loud beeping noise.



At first I thought it was my alarm clock... it wasn't. It was my carbon monoxide and explosive gas detector. Since the display read 'GAS'... I was going all around the house like a bloodhound trying to pick up a scent. After 5 minutes... I went back to bed and laughed myself to sleep after realizing that it may have been ME that set the thing off. :-laf



That detector has never gone off like that before and hasn't done it since then.



Matt

explosive gas detector



:-laf:-laf

 

[DHorton]

To re-examine the context of the partical dissipatory coifficent of the afformentioned undergarments, we must first account for the quality. Ask yourself these simple questions:

1. Were these underwear made from fine American cotton grown by the caring hands of a diligent southern farmer or in some foreign country where they are made with synthetics?

2. Were the underwear made on Friday (can't wait till the weekend diseased worker) or on Monday (can't remember the weekends activities worker)?

3. Were the underwear pre-treated (fabric softener) or simply washed and dried?

4. Are you truly in doubt that what you have in store for these multi-layer undergarments will not be able to hold what you are about to release on them?



Sidenote: Wonder if it would be worth the money to start up a new product, say maybe a pre-underwear filter. Would be like the Outerworks deal, but on the inside... . Hmmm- Maybe call it Innerworks. The filter that catches it before your wife does.

 

[DHorton]

Sorry, when I told my wife about this post she reminded me of an incident when we were living in FL.



We pull into the hotel parking lot and while deciding how many nights we were going to stay another car pulled into the parking lot. Had a nice seat cover on the driver's side and an older (not elderly, just older) gentleman sitting in the passenger seat. The lady exits the car rather rapidly (which is what caught my eye) headed for the lobby. My wife soon follows in to get our room. While we are waiting I notice the older gentleman step out of the car with his newspaper, but instead of carrying it the normal way, he has it placed behind his butt. This is odd to me, but not as odd as it was for him to stop outside the lobby and stare into the window. I was getting more puzzled by the moment. All of a sudden I see him rush in. My wife soon exits to let me know we got a room and it is time to go on up. I asked about the man and she said once the lady got the room they just hit the elevator. She was not intrigued, but being the kind of person I am, I got to wondering what the heck is going on. Well, once we hit the elevator I got my answer. The poor fellow had evidently had an accident while traveling down the highway and was looking for a place to freshen up. We all about died in the elevator it was so rough in there. Checked the floor just in case. Needless to say once I told the whole story to the wife we rolled for a while. Not at the problem he had (Lord knows we have been there at some point in our life), but at the covert op it took to get it taken care of.

 

[lschultz]

Ever notice how some of these older ladies(men too) will be walking down the isles in a grocery store and let one go and if you look at em they get that innocent look on there face---I didn't do that If I fart I am going to claim it :--)

 

[HoleshotHolset]

I set off the alarm again about a week ago...

I guess a night of beer and junk food will do that to ya. This time around I didn't even get out of bed. I just waved the pillow at the alarm and it eventually quit yappin. :-laf



Matt