Fart ??

[lschultz]

Yesterday 6 and probably more but I forgot to count. So far this morning(9:00am Texas) 4.

 

[HoleshotHolset]

Memorial Day weekend - I was in a Cracker Barrel restaurant/shop on my way to Pittsburgh, PA... . standing there and getting rid of some orange juice. Little did I know that dear old Dad had walked into the men's room...



I let one rip that had so much bass and volume that it reverberated all throughout the bathroom. I couldn't help but laugh right then and there... .



When I got out of the men's room... . my Dad looked at me and said that he didn't realize that urinals had Jake brakes.....



It was hilarious... . because I had realized that it did in fact sound like a big-'ole Cummins with a Jake brake..... :-laf



Matt

 

[Batman]

ROTFLMFAO Oo. ... ... ... . urinals with Jake brakes... ... ... ... ..... :-laf :-laf :-laf :-laf :-laf

 

[BFC]

It was hilarious... . because I had realized that it did in fact sound like a big-'ole Cummins with a Jake brake.....

HoleshotHolset,



you should add that one to the "you know your a diesel head when" thread... ... ... ... ROTFLMAO



Glenn

 

[sdalton]

I lit one back in the late 70's, I was in Jr High. A bunch of us were joking around about farts and lighting then, while in the locker room. I decided to try it later that nite. Many of my friends told of the mishaps of burning all the hair off their rear and their personnal equipment. I thought I would be smart and keep my underwear on, Bad mistake. Underwear was of cotton and kept the fire burning for a few seconds. I now know what it feels like to have a fire lit under your a$$. I immediately jumped up, smacking my shorts trying to put the fire out. Luckly The shorts were only slightly burned. I wasnt. It sure did get hot though. That was the first and last time I ever tried that stunt.

 

[Doc Tinker]

sdalton - it's a good thing you weren't wearing nylon panties.



At youth camp one summer, one of the kids went ape with the candy from the canteen. I guess it was his first time away from home and he must not have been allowed to eat much candy at home. That kid ate so much chocolate he farted and messed his pants. After about the third time he did it we told to the counselor who arranged for him to go home early, because he had a bad case of "dysentery"



Doc

 

[TORQUE THIS]

How can ya tell when a woman is wearing pantyhose

 

[TORQUE THIS]

When she FARTS her ankles swell

 

[HoleshotHolset]

I knew you guys/gals would like that one... .



I still get a chuckle out of it... . urinals with Jake brakes... :-laf



Matt

 

[QRTRHRS]

Some thoughts on this one....

You would think I would be safe with my wife being deaf, except she can keep up with me:--) Better yet, she drops em' in the store. Guess who gets the looks?



"Buddy" and "May" were heading into the checkout line one day. Now "May" was one fine looking woman. "Buddy" lets one rip and says "May" "Jesus Christ". "May" did not talk to him for maybe two weeks. Bet it was a lot longer till she came across.



My quarter horse stallion comes from a line known as Impressive. He can fart with the best of them, long and loud. When our regular farrier could not get over to trim his hooves this little blondie gal friend who helps us with other things offered to do it. She no sooner picked up a back foot when he lets one rip. I looked at her and said. Well, he is Impressive!



A friend and I were in a bar having a few when this one guy let loose with one that would strip the paint off the wall. My buddy could not take it. He went outside and puked. Didn't bother me since I get it naturally from my dad.

 

[Chipstien]

You know it is pretty bad when people start puking.

 

[RottnDogue]

Often... ... . sometimes more often

 

[WOWZY]

My Dad is one smart guy when it comes to keeping people out of his favorite chair.



Everytime he would get up and go into the kitchen, he would direct a fart into the cushion foam of the chair. When he would get up, the foam would trap all of the fart and hold it there till someone would sit down in his chair. Then WHOOOOSH!! the cushion would surround the culprit (usually my little brother) with the most noxious cloud that only my Dad was immune to.



One day he set his trap and went into his bedroom to change clothes. My Grandmother (My Mothers Mom) came over for a visit and plopped right down in the chair. She had the worst look on her face and immediately got up and moved to another chair. Me and my Mom couldn't quit laughing at that one.



My Dad felt a little sorry for her, but said, "That'll teach her to stay outa my chair"

 

[dieselgirlanddan]

Originally posted by HoleshotHolset

I knew you guys/gals would like that one... .



I still get a chuckle out of it... . urinals with Jake brakes... :-laf



Matt

Rotflmao

:-laf :-laf





:--) Dang Matt, And I thought I could let 'em rip... . hehe!

 

[Jeff H]

Best way to amplify a fart. Sit on a nice hard wood chair. Sounds like an ol Jonny Popper with a strait pipe.

 

[DHatfield]

Jeff H you sure got that right. Me and a friend of mine got kicked out of the High School library while ripping a really loud one on a wood chair. I laughed for a very long time after that.

 

[HoleshotHolset]

WDaniels: That's nasty!!



Dieselgirl: Hey... . I try!



Matt

On edit: try out a leather chair... . they're much better than wood for the rumble factor...

 

[kiwi bird]

LMAO, this is one funny thread!!



Here's my contribution - I got a really bad stomach bug that lasted almost 2 months. When it first started I just thought it was a bit of nothing but I had some gas. Well I was ferrying some friends around in a 15 passenger van when I felt a big boiler coming through so I just lifted a cheek and thought I'd share. Not only was it loud but it smelled as if someone had lifted the lid on the Tiajuana sewer in the middle of a heat wave - real gagger stuff. There was a mad scramble in the back to open windows but even that wasn't enough so I had to stop and let everyone out.



As if that wasn't bad enough I then felt that lovely "I've got a buttload of liquid just waiting to get out" feeling so I hightailed it to the nearest public convienience squeezing my butt cheeks HARD together the whole way. I get to the restroom and discover all 3 stalls filled and no sounds of "almost done".



Well I couldn't wait a second more and was looking desparately for somewhere to go and all I could see was the trash can so... ... ...



I felt pretty bad doing that and I pity the guy that cleaned those restrooms because I laid some serious hurt in there and it wasn't no smell of roses either.



PS. The best way that I've found to increase the sound quality/quantity is one of those big fiberglass bench seats - my buddy got such a good note in a pizza place one time that he stopped ALL conversation in the whole place

 

[HoleshotHolset]

kiwi bird - fiberglass bench... . been there, done that!!



Here's another neat thing to do... .

While you and your buddies are on your way out of a store/restaurant... . make sure you are 1st to exit... . Then while you are walking through the double set of doors... . let a big one rip... . Not only will it echo like crazy in the small enclosure... . but everyone in the store/restaurant/etc. will think it is one of the other guys.



You could even act surprised and blame it on one of the others...



:-laf



Matt

 

[nickleinonen]

oh good god i ache from laughing so hard from reading these posts. .



i've been known to let some go that are gawd awful.



one saturday i was coming back from delievering stuff in the cube van. i was sitting shotgun and my buddy was driving. he would let them rip about every 15 min. . they were bad, but nothing compared to what i had in store for him. i felt one brewing and was just holding it in for the perfect moment. well that moment came on the radio, there was some comecrial that had a 10-1-blastoff countdown. we were counting down with the commecrial for fun, and at blast off, i did just that. it lasted a good 10 seconds and man did it ever smell. . it was in our old ford cubevan where the drivers side window didn't roll down... he started gaging and swerving and i was crying from laughing so hard [and from the smell... :-laf ] needless to say, i didn't roll my window down and he went to the extreme of opening up his door while going 100 kph down the hwy to get some fresh air into the cab.



that is nothing really though. having just finished 36 week of school, we had one guy in our class that by the 2nd week was now offically called stinky. when in the engine lab, i was setting the valves & timing on a deutz that we had there. he was working on a 6v-71 next to me. he let one go, and man, even with the exhaust fans on, he managed to clear that corner of the lab... daily, he would get into the double digits for # of farts. and that was just when we were in school [longest day was 7hrs inc lunch]