So far all I’m getting is that you have an unrealistic expectation of your truck. Dropping 2 gears for grade in the PNW is normal with stock sized tires and 35’s won’t help that. Dropping 6 gears puts you in direct drive, and the appropriate gear for the grade when towing as overdrive reduces engine torque to the wheels from engine output torque. TH mode doesn’t change gear ratios, just shift patterns and even that’s designed to run lower gear more than higher gears. Some more recent model years can hold 5th, but the power output and gear difference adds up.
35’s just aren’t that much bigger than stock. 4.56’s is just a bit much, so you either got some really bad intel or advice. 4.56’s for 35’s is something that’s done in a Jeep with a small gas engine. Once you’re out of first gear the towing advantage to gearing starts to diminish. Gears are great for slow speed use, towing or off-road, but going that low for highway and interstate speed towing isn’t helping economy but I’ll bet it’s responsive.
The truck had 3.42’s from the factory, not 3.73’s. All 13-18 SRW’s had 3.42’s.
Without a tuner you don’t have to be concerned with EGT’s, let it run. It won’t hurt itself.
You have two very unlucky friends, the grid heater bolt failing is very very rare and easy to prevent with the giggle test.
Drive it and enjoy it, because you’re where you’re at and even if you regeared to the proper gears for your tire size the mileage gains wouldn’t likely every pay for the regear.