This is pretty good.......

[mwilson]

Bud the Cowboy



A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.



The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, Ray Ban® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"



Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"





The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T iPhone® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.





The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...





Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.





Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves. "





"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.



He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.



Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"





The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"





"You're a Congressman for the U. S. Government", says Bud.



"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"





"No guessing required. " answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ”





“Now give me back my dog. ”

 

[HPSimpson]

Priceless!

 

[BIGNASTY]

Cowboy HAD to be from Montana right??? :-laf



Have to remember that one for the next time in the bar







The fastest thing in the world

Four old cowboys are having a discussion about what is the fastest thing in the world.

First cowboy says, "I believe it's thinking, 'cause when you prick your finger or touch a flame, the pain instantly becomes thought and hits the brain. "



Second cowboy says, "Well, I think its blinking. When you blink and open your eyes again, you immediately see everything. Nothing is changed. "



Third cowboy says, "Well, I think it's light, 'cause as soon as you press that light switch, you go from dark to instant light. " Fourth cowboy says, "Well, I think its the Mexican-two-step diarrhea. "



All the others ask simultaneously, "Diarrhea? Why?"



Fourth cowboy says, "I'll explain it to you. I went across the border to a saloon last night and drank a buncha home-made Mexican tequila. On the way home from the saloon, I stopped off at Lupe's cafe and ate two helpings of her Mexican Special, which had been warmed over a time or two, and a buncha jalapenas and some chili peppers I never saw before. "



First cowboy asks, "So, what's that got to do with speed or diarrhea?"



Fourth cowboy says, "Well, later on when I was in bed? I felt this fire and fierce rumbling in my belly, and before I could think, or blink, or turn that damn light on... .