Fart ??

[lschultz]

Thats very interesting jhartley you made my day. Wait its dark now so I guess its night.

 

[HoleshotHolset]

Ever had so much pent up gas (like when you're on a date with a gal for the 1st time or something... . ) and you can literally feel it and hear it making its way towards the 'end'?



I blame the noise on my stomach... . seems to work well so far!



Matt

 

[Batman]

Holesh!t... ... ... ... ..... how do you explain the smell?:{

 

[lschultz]

Tell em its body odor or the cologne or did you do that I remember when the girls I dated never did such a thing,they would not lower there selfs to my level. But when you get married they change. Theres some sick,strange ones on this board-Doc,Whitmore keep comming to my mind

 

[HoleshotHolset]

George:



The whole point of this is that you have all this pent up gas that you don't let come out until a very opportune time... . that's why you are sitting there making a lot of noise, but no fumes/noise comes out the chute.



If you're going out to eat... the restroom is a great place for this. Just make sure that she's not anywhere NEAR the door for the big-man's room... . she'll hear it for sure. Then you have to blame it on someone else... . :-laf



Matt

 

[Camara]

I remember one night when my 2 sons were wrestling on the floor. The big one on top of the little on holding him down. The little guy got loose knocked over the big one. Stood up, dropped his drawers, squated over his head and let one loose. :--) I guess we all know who won that match. I was laughing so hard I couldn't get mad at them for knocking the lamp off the table.

 

[HoleshotHolset]

That's funny stuff!



I hope the little guys got a few "atta-boys!" after that one... .



Matt

 

[Camara]

I wish I could have framed that moment!

 

[GeneralMachine]

Fart

Hey guy's this happened to me on the way home from a drill rig, I pulled in to a little state line tavern, This little old lady was sitting at the bar, I ask the bar tinder to get me a cold one and while he was gone to get it this old lady lifted up on one cheek and cut loose one that a man would wrght home about, I looked at her shocked and she just grined and said she didn't realy mean to fart she had just let up to get another hold and it slipped. Harv

 

[Camara]

One day the boys were going at it again when the little guy gets ready to blast his brother again. The older brother had a permanent marker in his hand. Well when he dropped his drawers the older one drew a green right across his butt. It took months for that to wear off!:{

 

[HoleshotHolset]

Wow, there's an aweful lot of bathroom humor here in Mass.....



Matt

 

[daveshoe]

Gramma lives with us

Mother in law is a sweet old lady who can not hear or smell very well. If she feels one coming on without much boost, she stands up , goes to the corner and squeeks it out. The fun begins when we act like we do'nt hear it. The wrong kind of look at my daughter and she's LMAO.

When Gramma senses she's about to go WOT at 35 PSI she tries to make it into a remote corner of her bedroom. When she accomplishes her mission we usually make the ''goal'' sign with upraised arms. Works well -- quick,silent and funny.

The other night as Gramma went to full boost, my daughter said out of the blue, ''There she goes, goin' to her room to kick a field goal. '' I start to do the laugh/cough thing. and after I recovered my composure somewhat,I said ''My gosh, that baby must have gone 50 yards Oo. We all just about turned purple to keep from ROFLMAO

I do'nt know what to try next-- mabe some Olympic numbered signs lettered from five to ten.

And you thought this post was dead

 

[HoleshotHolset]

... or if you get REALLY bored you could use those nautical flags that spell out the alphabet... . or a flashlight/Morse code signalling system... .



My all-time favorite is the international signal for choking... . grab your throat like Homer does to Bart... . Gramdma will get the hint that her blowoff valve works nicely, but hopefully she won't try to give you the Heimlich!



Matt

 

[Camara]

My 2 boys want to know if anyone has done a study as to the micron rating of different brands of underwear (Hanes, BVD, Fruit of the Loom, etc. ) I guess they are planning another battle and don't want any particulate matter involved. :-{}

 

[lschultz]

I remember back in the early 70s I was at my mother-in-law house laying on the couch sleeping. Maybe I was asleep cause I had to much beer Anyway Granny(thats what we call my mother-in-law)set down on my face and cut one I don't think it was her setting on my face that woke me up. It was the stench:--)

 

[HoleshotHolset]

FYI: There's a neat holiday toy available...

A friend of mine recently bought a "Crappy Christmas Dog".



It's a plush animated dog that literally farts the "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" song... .



It's hilarious, and shockingly realistic.



I gotta get me one.



Matt

 

[Camara]

Where did your friend get that dog? My wife would love(hate) it.

 

[HoleshotHolset]

Cumberland Farms - $15 a pop- they should have one or two near Walpole..... I gotta get a few before they sell out.



Matt

 

[lschultz]

You fellows are sick Here it is 12 days before Christmas and you are talking about this:--) Where are your minds???

 

[Wheaties]

I was working on a construction site when one guy's stomach just wasn't right. Well the commodes hadn't been set yet and he had to go bad! He found an empty spackle bucket and did his business in there.



You know, no one noticed until weeks and weeks later, we were doing the punch list, and someone went looking for a little spackle to fix a bad spot. The guy that opened that bucket just about passed out, the smell was that bad.



MTE