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Fart ??
- Thread starter lschultz
- Start Date
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I couldn't let this thread die...
A guy here at work let one rip this afternoon. I'm really surprised that nobody bursted out laughing. It wasn't all that loud... but he must have really had his bumper planted firmly into his chair... . because that sucker vibrated the floor and I felt it on the bottoms of my feet. :-laf
I was doing the traditional whisper quiet laughing routine for about 5 minutes... wiping tears from my eyes and so forth... .
Matt
A guy here at work let one rip this afternoon. I'm really surprised that nobody bursted out laughing. It wasn't all that loud... but he must have really had his bumper planted firmly into his chair... . because that sucker vibrated the floor and I felt it on the bottoms of my feet. :-laf
I was doing the traditional whisper quiet laughing routine for about 5 minutes... wiping tears from my eyes and so forth... .
Matt
:-laf... i've been eating a lot of fresh rye bread and some other goodies, and i have been having some viscous gas... at work today, when i was up in the boiler room, i carefully squeaked one out while i was going some chemical testing on the water in the boilers. the machinest i was up there with started to have that gag reflex kick in [and so did i 
] and it really spread quickly up there in the heat. the boiler room was a little over 40°C [104°f], and outside was -23°C [-9°f]. i liked it much better up there than outside...
it's nice to laugh hard enough to bring tears to your eyes. this thread brings those tears in many ways :-laf
] and it really spread quickly up there in the heat. the boiler room was a little over 40°C [104°f], and outside was -23°C [-9°f]. i liked it much better up there than outside... it's nice to laugh hard enough to bring tears to your eyes. this thread brings those tears in many ways :-laf
bombed the Navy
Ah yes, this thread reminds me of my Navy days. We were involved in some kind of war game and the brass in all their glory was aboard. (We were a flagship for an Admiral).
Apparently the galley fed us some particularly noxious brew of some kind and my body oblidged by producing some incredibly rank gas. Being an electronics tech, I pretty much could come and go in the Combat Information Center, a hotbed of big brass activity during the war games.
I waited until I had built up a full charge and innocently wandered by the big display terminal. I let go a massive SBD and continued on my merry way. Many casualties that day.
Yeps, sometimes life in the Navy was rough.
Tim
Ah yes, this thread reminds me of my Navy days. We were involved in some kind of war game and the brass in all their glory was aboard. (We were a flagship for an Admiral).
Apparently the galley fed us some particularly noxious brew of some kind and my body oblidged by producing some incredibly rank gas. Being an electronics tech, I pretty much could come and go in the Combat Information Center, a hotbed of big brass activity during the war games.
I waited until I had built up a full charge and innocently wandered by the big display terminal. I let go a massive SBD and continued on my merry way. Many casualties that day.
Yeps, sometimes life in the Navy was rough.
Tim
Tim: What you did in the sub is known as 'crop dusting'... . or what I like to call 'hit and run'. :-laf
Matt
Matt
All I think about is that movie "Down Periscope"
Just bought an Aero Bed. Did you know that if you FART a few times on it, it actually warms the entire bed...
Wow!
It seems I fart way too often. It probably has something to do with me eating fast and not chewing food enough.
My wife cracks me up, though. Hers are FAR louder and more grotesque sounding than mine ever are. She does it in her sleep sometimes,since she too falls asleep fast.
The worst one I EVER had was released upon some poor and unsuspecting souls at the Smithsonian. We were there in the American History portion. I had to let one go, and went near the elevator to fart and get some water. I did what I had to, and walked away feeling refreshed.
Five minutes later, we walked back near those elevators. Some people were exiting, and I hear them groan and ask what that smell was! That had innocently walked into a cloud.
The irony, of course, is that it WAS at the Smithsonian. I can assure you, this fart was so bad it was, in fact, historic-- so it was happy to be in the museum were it belonged all along.
TO this day, I just have to mention that I'm feeling a little Smithsonian and my wife will tell me to go to the bathroom!
I've had to develop kind of a code phrase when I have bad gas. I say I have "Fartburn", but I say it in a way where it sounds like "heartburn".
"Honey, I've got a bad case offfffff . . artburn" If you say it right, you can fool your dinner guests into recommending some Tums.
jlh
It seems I fart way too often. It probably has something to do with me eating fast and not chewing food enough.
My wife cracks me up, though. Hers are FAR louder and more grotesque sounding than mine ever are. She does it in her sleep sometimes,since she too falls asleep fast.
The worst one I EVER had was released upon some poor and unsuspecting souls at the Smithsonian. We were there in the American History portion. I had to let one go, and went near the elevator to fart and get some water. I did what I had to, and walked away feeling refreshed.
Five minutes later, we walked back near those elevators. Some people were exiting, and I hear them groan and ask what that smell was! That had innocently walked into a cloud.
The irony, of course, is that it WAS at the Smithsonian. I can assure you, this fart was so bad it was, in fact, historic-- so it was happy to be in the museum were it belonged all along.
TO this day, I just have to mention that I'm feeling a little Smithsonian and my wife will tell me to go to the bathroom!
I've had to develop kind of a code phrase when I have bad gas. I say I have "Fartburn", but I say it in a way where it sounds like "heartburn".
"Honey, I've got a bad case offfffff . . artburn" If you say it right, you can fool your dinner guests into recommending some Tums.
jlh
Not quite a fart story... but gross nonetheless...
My Dad was painting the walls on the third and fourth floor of a building that he owned. Rather then go down to the main level every time he had to take a pee he just opened up one of his empty gallon paint cans and whizzed in it. Eventually he filled the can and hammered the lid back on. When he finished his painting job he threw out all of the empty paint cans and kept the "full" ones for another day. If you have ever seen a painter's garage, you will know that it usually has about 5000 different paint cans in it, each with a little bit of paint in it... to be used another day... One day my wife sent me on a mission to pick up a few ounces (maybe a pint) of green paint, for a little touch up job. Being the cheap rocket scientist that I am, I whipped over to my Pop's house and rapped on his door for a few ounces of paint. As we were poking around his garage looking for the "right shade" we came across THE CAN... like bomb disposal experts, we CAREFULLY delivered the can to the end of the driveway awaiting the garbage man. Not ten minutes later I heard the familiar clink and bang of the garbage cans being emptied into the hopper of a garbage truck. I guess the hopper was nearly full as the guy decided to compress and compact what was in the hopper right in front of my Dad's house. Then IT happened... kind of a quiet little "pop". Neither me nor my Dad gave it much thought... . THEN THE WIND SHIFTED AND WE CAUGHT A WHIFF..... That can of **** had been fermenting in my Dads garage for NEARLY A YEAR and when the compacter crushed it, it popped open... . The smell would have knocked a buzzard off of a s**t wagon a hundred yards away. The poor bugger who was picking up the trash barfed right on the spot and me and the old man took off into the basement. A couple of minutes later we casually stepped outside to see if things settled down (read the smell went away) only to be confronted by the homicidal glare of the garbage picker now working the other side of the street. It could be me... but I don't think my Dad's garbage cans ever looked the same after that day... .
Trent
My Dad was painting the walls on the third and fourth floor of a building that he owned. Rather then go down to the main level every time he had to take a pee he just opened up one of his empty gallon paint cans and whizzed in it. Eventually he filled the can and hammered the lid back on. When he finished his painting job he threw out all of the empty paint cans and kept the "full" ones for another day. If you have ever seen a painter's garage, you will know that it usually has about 5000 different paint cans in it, each with a little bit of paint in it... to be used another day... One day my wife sent me on a mission to pick up a few ounces (maybe a pint) of green paint, for a little touch up job. Being the cheap rocket scientist that I am, I whipped over to my Pop's house and rapped on his door for a few ounces of paint. As we were poking around his garage looking for the "right shade" we came across THE CAN... like bomb disposal experts, we CAREFULLY delivered the can to the end of the driveway awaiting the garbage man. Not ten minutes later I heard the familiar clink and bang of the garbage cans being emptied into the hopper of a garbage truck. I guess the hopper was nearly full as the guy decided to compress and compact what was in the hopper right in front of my Dad's house. Then IT happened... kind of a quiet little "pop". Neither me nor my Dad gave it much thought... . THEN THE WIND SHIFTED AND WE CAUGHT A WHIFF..... That can of **** had been fermenting in my Dads garage for NEARLY A YEAR and when the compacter crushed it, it popped open... . The smell would have knocked a buzzard off of a s**t wagon a hundred yards away. The poor bugger who was picking up the trash barfed right on the spot and me and the old man took off into the basement. A couple of minutes later we casually stepped outside to see if things settled down (read the smell went away) only to be confronted by the homicidal glare of the garbage picker now working the other side of the street. It could be me... but I don't think my Dad's garbage cans ever looked the same after that day... .
Trent
:-laf:-laf:-laf:-laf
How can it be that in the middle of the night a very little dog can go pft and a green cloud that would gag a maggot fills the room? As soon as I hear that sound (that will wake the dead), I cover my head under the blankets because I know I won't be able to breathe outside the covers for at least 5 minutes.
Wayne
Wayne
Have you ever smelled (or looked at the ingredients... ) dog food? If it smells bad going in - it's only bound to get worse on the exit.
I've been eating some smoked salmon (cheap Vita brand stuff) lately for breakfast - man... that's another recipe for some serious crop dusting at the office. :-laf
#ad
Matt
I've been eating some smoked salmon (cheap Vita brand stuff) lately for breakfast - man... that's another recipe for some serious crop dusting at the office. :-laf
#adMatt
Revelations on a Fart
Recently, I quit dipping Copenhagen/Skoal. Interestingly, the farts per day count decreased significantly.
-I once got paddled in the 8th grade for farting in class and having the gall to laugh about it.
-I violated the ppm standard for particulate matter in a K-Mart aisle looking for the correct size fire extinguisher for my boat. Had to waddle to the restroom, (after dilligently searching for it) and left my drawers behind. Freeballed it on the way home.
Funniest thread ever.
"There's more room out than there is in. " Compliments of my good friend Chris Hedrick
PS -My lab just farted out some good ole Purina PRO Plan whilst laying at my feet. :{
Recently, I quit dipping Copenhagen/Skoal. Interestingly, the farts per day count decreased significantly.
-I once got paddled in the 8th grade for farting in class and having the gall to laugh about it.
-I violated the ppm standard for particulate matter in a K-Mart aisle looking for the correct size fire extinguisher for my boat. Had to waddle to the restroom, (after dilligently searching for it) and left my drawers behind. Freeballed it on the way home.
Funniest thread ever.
"There's more room out than there is in. " Compliments of my good friend Chris Hedrick
PS -My lab just farted out some good ole Purina PRO Plan whilst laying at my feet. :{
GHinton said:
:-laf ROTFLMAO!
One of the EMT's at the shop I used to work at did the same thing... more than once. He miscalculated the 'separation factor' before he let one rip into the PA microphone while rolling down Rt. 93 in Mass... Good thing they were on a non-emergency transport. :-laf
Matt
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Issue 128 – Digital Version
Digital Magazines
FREE!
TDR Test Drive - Digital Edition
Renew
Subscribe
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Back Issues
Subscription Status
Address Change Form
Buyer's Guides
Ram Diagnostic Trouble Codes
The Perfect Collection
The Perfect Collection Vol. II
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Dodge/Cummins Historical Overview
Cameron Collection
What Makes Us Tick?
Product Showcase
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