Attention: TDR Forum Junkies 
Don't know who thought this one up, but as the father of 2 girls aged 16 & 17 I like it 
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* "Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter"
Some thoughtful information for those who are daughters, were daughters,
have daughters, intend to have daughters, or intend to date a daughter.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of
your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling
off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends
are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair
and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may
come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too
big,and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes
do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter,
I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place
to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate:
when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about
sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The
only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to
have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you
on this subject is "early. "
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities
to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make
her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want
to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. When my
daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than
painting the Golden Gate Bridge, you will not complain. Instead of just
standing there,why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my
car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with
my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer
than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or
nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops,
midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose
down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or
sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied,
balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my
daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you
where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and
five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in
over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting
up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait
for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you
should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Please speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need
for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
#ad* "Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter"
Some thoughtful information for those who are daughters, were daughters,
have daughters, intend to have daughters, or intend to date a daughter.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of
your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling
off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends
are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair
and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may
come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too
big,and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes
do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter,
I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place
to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate:
when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about
sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The
only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to
have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you
on this subject is "early. "
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities
to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make
her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want
to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. When my
daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than
painting the Golden Gate Bridge, you will not complain. Instead of just
standing there,why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my
car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with
my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer
than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or
nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops,
midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose
down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or
sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied,
balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my
daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you
where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and
five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in
over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting
up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait
for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you
should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Please speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need
for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
AFC controller adjusted, Mopar mud flaps, Camper package, 2001 Tow mirrors, Cat ran away, No Muff
